I may be blind
by Lozzie
Summary: COMPLETETrowa helps a blind girl as the Gundam Pilots are drawn back together three years after the war, who wants them done away with? 1R, 3OC
1. Intro

AN - Hi guys. Before I start this story I just have to say a few things. First of all this is my first Gundam Wing fanfic so please be kind. Secondly this fanfic is written in the first person narrative (I) of my own character. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT SHE IS A MARY-SUE! She is anything BUT a Mary-Sue. And to prove it she has faults. She can't read or write because she has never been to school. She has a short-temper and can be very moody. And also she is blind. I'm not writing in the first person because I'm writing from my point of view, it is just that I have never read a fan fiction written in the first person and I wanted to have a go at it. Anyway, that is my rant over, so on with the story.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
I can't believe it is over. That was my last round of applause. My last performance at this circus. It wasn't my best either; I nearly slipped out of Paul's grasp twice. I can hear the audience clapping. We didn't even fill the house tonight.  
  
I've taken my bow and Paul is guiding me outside. The cold air hits my face like a knife and I realise that I have been crying. I don't want this to be over. What is to become of me? A blind acrobat. An ex-circus performer. A teenage girl who never even went to school because she has been travelling with the circus all her life.  
  
Paul and Polly won't look after me. They want to start their own family so they won't want to have me hanging around, even if I am their niece. So where shall I go? Maybe one of the other circus folk will take me in and find me somewhere to live. Or I could find somewhere myself. It can't be far to the city can it? I can often hear the noise of the traffic at night. If I just follow the noises.  
  
"Here we are." Paul has led me to my caravan. Apparently it has the name of our act painted on the side. 'The Flying Fireballs'. We are acrobats. There is my uncle Paul, my aunty Polly and I. We are a circus act. We perform stunts in the air on the trapeze and the high wire. We have always been acrobats. When my parents died my father's brother Paul and his wife Polly took me in and trained me to be one of them.  
  
I climb into our little caravan. Instantly I feel something jump onto my shoulder. I lift my hand to stroke Chip, my little monkey. He chatters softly in my ear and wraps his little fingers lovingly in my hair. I sit on my bed and stroke Chip's soft fur. Chip is my best friend. I adopted him when I was younger. Or rather, he adopted me. His mother rejected him and so Aunty Polly offered to look after Chip. But as soon as he was old enough Chip latched on to me. I think he sensed that I was blind and knew that I needed someone to help me. Chip always tells me when there is danger by pulling on my hair and babbling agitatedly. He sometimes gets off my shoulder and leads me around objects in my path.  
  
I shift Chip onto my bed and get up, trying to find my clothes. I find them and change out of my red and yellow acrobat costume and into my normal clothes. I let my hair down and Chip instantly jumps onto my head and strokes my hair. According to Uncle Paul Chip likes my hair because it is soft and curly, and dark black. Uncle Paul often tells me what I look like because he thinks that just because I can't see what I look like doesn't mean I shouldn't care about how I look.  
  
Apparently I look a lot like my mother. Paul tells me that I have dark, tanned skin and brown eyes. He says that I am short and slightly built, which makes me an ideal acrobat. He also thinks that I look like a wild gypsy.  
  
I am lucky that I know what colours he means when he talks to me. I wasn't born blind. I was blinded in the accident that killed my parents twelve years ago, when I was five. I have seen, and I still remember what my parents look like and how I used to look. My parents were killed one day in spring. We were just packing away the circus tent after one particularly successful stint. I was playing around and jumping up behind people. But something went wrong. It was stormy outside and an electrical wire snapped above us. I looked up in time to see it hit the tent. The flash it caused was blinding.literally.  
  
The next thing I remember is waking up and panicking because I couldn't see. The doctors told me that the bright light had burned my retina or something. When Uncle Paul came to see me he told me that the circus tent had collapsed and five people had died, including my parents. I cried for days. It was a strange sensation when I cried. My eyes burned and red spots danced in the blackness. I gradually got used to being without sight. My other senses sharpened as a result. I often wonder how much the people around me have changed in looks. I remember them as perpetually young, looking exactly as they did when I was five.  
  
I sit on the bed with Chip again. I've never even seen what he looks like. He nuzzles up to me and licks my face. I can hear talking outside. I immediately recognise two voices as those of Paul and Polly, but the other two are strange to me. One is a woman's voice; the other is a man's. But they sound young. I listen intently, not meaning to pry, but wanting to know what is going on.  
  
"So if you would like to join us, we think we could offer you a position." The woman is saying.  
  
"That's very kind of you." My aunt Polly replies. "We would love to."  
  
"Any port in a storm." Uncle Paul adds.  
  
"Our facilities are a lot better too." The woman adds. "You would be able to change your act."  
  
"It sounds too good to be true." Uncle Paul says. "We shall see you tomorrow."  
  
The woman and man are leaving. I can hear Paul and Polly walking towards me. They are inside the caravan now.  
  
"Who was that?" I ask innocently.  
  
"Oh you heard." Paul sits next to me. "That was two people from a nearby circus. They heard that our circus is closing and wanted to know if we would be interested in working for them instead."  
  
"They were very nice people." Aunt Polly adds, sitting on my other side. "A pretty lady called Catherine and her brother Trowa. Catherine owns this circus that we will be going to."  
  
"Are we going to work there then?" I ask. I am insulted that they didn't consult me, but I realise that they have no choice. They need the security and money that this job will bring, and I have to go with them because I am still in their care. I am only seventeen, and they also have to look after me because of my disability.  
  
"We said that we would." Paul said. "We thought you would be happy about it."  
  
"I am." I try to convince them. "But this Catherine, does she know that I am blind?"  
  
"Not yet." Polly says. "We thought it best not to tell her yet."  
  
"Because she won't want me." I say. "I'm too much of a liability. I'm a blind acrobat, and most acrobats rely on sight to guide them."  
  
"But we thought that once she sees how good you are, she won't mind that you aren't able to see." Paul said.  
  
I stand up. I'm angry. Angry at the fact that I wasn't consulted. Angry about the prejudice I receive just because I am blind. Angry that I will never live a normal life. When we go to this new circus I will be stared at, and even though I can't see people staring I can always feel their eyes boring into me.  
  
"I'm going for a walk." I say tersely. I don't want to be angry with Polly and Paul, especially after all that they have done for me. I won't take me anger out on them. I make my way careful into the open. Chip is sitting on my shoulder and has his arms around me neck. I quickly find the place that I like. There's a smooth rock near the camp where I go and sit. Here I can hear the wind in the trees, the laughter of the campsite and the birds twittering overhead.  
  
Except tonight the birds are silent, there is no wind and no one in the campsite is laughing. Chip sits on my knee and puts his little hand on my face. He murmurs apologetically at me.  
  
"I'm not angry at you Chip." I say. As if he understands he snuggles into my chest and wraps his thin, furry arms around my neck. Moments later he begins to snore lightly. Alone I let me anger ebb away. If I'm alone I can always calm myself down. I know that I have a short-temper, just like my father had. But on my own, with no one to take my frustration out on, I can calm down. After a while I make my way back to the caravan. Polly and Paul are already asleep. I climb into my bed and Chip wakes up for long enough to curl up next to my head. I slowly fall asleep, listening to the steady breathing of the people around me. 


	2. Arrivals

The next day Paul awoke me early.  
  
"Come on." He said. "It's time to go."  
  
"Where?" I asked, rubbing sleep from my eyes and sitting up.  
  
"To our new circus." He said. "Come and say goodbye to everyone."  
  
I got up and Polly quickly combed my hair and made me look presentable. Chip sat sleepily on my shoulder and refused point blank to have his fur combed. As I climbed out of the caravan the heat of the summer morning sun hit me. I felt the warm rays on my face and smiled slightly. I could sense that there were people around me.  
  
"We came to say goodbye." One says. I recognise the voice as belonging to the ringleader or the circus, Gringo. I hear him as he pats Paul on the back, hugs Aunty Polly before I feel him turn to me. "Take care little one." He says affectionately. Gringo has always looked after me well. He pulls me close and I can feel him keeping back tears.  
  
One by one we say goodbye to all our old friends. Richard the animal tamer pats Chip on the head and tells me to look after him. Eventually all the farewells are over. Paul helps me into the little cab at the front of our caravan and turns the key in the ignition. I feel the engine stutter to life and slowly we chug away from the circus, our belonging bumping around in the caravan sleeping area behind us. Chip clings to me shoulder. He hates travelling. Aunty Polly is crying on my left and I can tell that Paul isn't too happy either. Then we turn away from our 'family' that I have known since I was born and we are on our way to a new family.  
  
None of us speak during the journey. I can't tell which direction we are going any more. After an hour Paul stops the van and says. "We are here."  
  
I can hear that we certainly have arrived. I'm vaguely aware that someone has opened a gate for us and we trundle slowly through the field. Paul parks the van and turns to me. "Don't speak unless spoken to, and try not to lift your head. If anyone sees that you don't focus on anything then they could guess that you can't see."  
  
"Just act as if you are shy." Polly replied. "Look.I mean, keep your head down."  
  
Polly helps me out of the van and a barrage of noise hits me. I stagger back, but find Paul supporting me from behind. I can just about make out the sounds around me. I can hear the animals nearby, and children laughing. I can also sense that some people are coming towards us.  
  
"Good morning." I recognise the voice of the woman who visited us last night. Catherine wasn't it? "How was your journey?"  
  
"Very good." I feel Polly's arm move forward and shake Catherine's hand.  
  
"Welcome to our circus." Catherine said. "I'm so glad you could come. You remember my brother Trowa?"  
  
I sense a boy move forward. "Hello." He says. He has a nice voice. I feel that he has put his hand out, but I can't tell whose hand he wants to shake. I realise he is talking to me when he says, "I don't believe we have met."  
  
I shake my head but don't put my hand out. I can't tell exactly where his hand is and I don't feel like searching the air for it with my own.  
  
"This is our niece Sienne." Paul says quickly. "I'm afraid she is rather shy."  
  
"Well, I'll show you round if you want." Catherine says. We walk off and Paul gently guides me without anyone noticing. Catherine is talking about different attraction and tents, and introducing us to people as we pass them. Paul whispers things in my ear, explaining things and giving me simple facts like "The big tent is blue and yellow."  
  
After a while I'm sure that I can feel someone else walking near us. I can certainly sense someone watching us. I try to ask Paul who it is, but he can't reply because Catherine is talking to him. I busy myself stroking Chip and hope that whoever it is will go away.  
  
"Would you like some lunch?" Catherine asked. We walk over a clear patch of ground. I feel heat wash over me; we must be close to the campfire. Paul makes me sit on a log and Polly sits next to be. She squeezes my hand quickly as reassurance. I feel Paul put a plate on my lap.  
  
"It's sausages." Polly whispered. I put my hand on the plate and find a sausage. It is hot and I burn my fingers as I touch it. I let it cool for a while, listening to Paul talking to Catherine.  
  
"The trapeze you have here is very high." He is saying. "It will take us a while to get used to it."  
  
"Don't worry." Catherine replies. "We won't be opening your act for a week or so. You will have plenty of time to practise."  
  
I can sense that Paul is anxious that I won't be able to adjust to a different trapeze. I am concerned about it. All my life I have used a small, familiar trapeze. Moving to a different, bigger and higher one could be difficult.  
  
I pick up the sausage and bite into it. It tastes so different from the sausages we had at the other circus. These ones are fat and you can feel the pieces of onion in them. I preferred the old sausages, but that was what I was used to.  
  
I feel someone looking at me again. I feed Chip the end of my sausage and do my best not to raise my head. But keeping it bowed is giving me a stiff neck. I need some space to be on my own. The tour is completed and I know that Paul and Polly will want to mingle with the other circus folk.  
  
When lunch is finished Polly whispers to me, "You want some alone time don't you?" I nod, glad that my aunt knows me so well.  
  
Paul helps me up and they walk beside me, making excuses about washing in the river. I can hear the rushing of water as we draw near. Paul helps me to sit on a rock and I put my bare feet in the water. It trickles between my toes and I stifle a giggle.  
  
"Will you be alright on your own here for a bit?" Paul asks.  
  
"I'll be fine." I promise. "Besides, I have Chip to look after me."  
  
I listen as Paul and Polly walk away. Now that I'm alone I lift my head and turn my face to the sun. I'm hot and thirsty. I pull out my handkerchief and bend lean forwards carefully, dipping it in the water. I dribble a few drops of the refreshing water into my parched mouth before squeezing the rest over my face. The cool water makes me gasp as some trickles down my spine. Chip jumps off my shoulder, he hates water.  
  
I listen to Chip chattering behind me. Suddenly I hear him scream. "Chip?" I cry, turning around and straining my ears to hear him. He is whimpering somewhere near me and I can here heavy breathing too. "Chip?" I call. I step forwards and feel my foot slip in a puddle on the smooth rock. I call out as I fall backwards into the river. It is deeper than I thought it would be, and faster. I sink under the water, swallowing mouthfuls of it as I do. I grab onto a rock and pull myself upwards. I'm so disorientated; I can't tell where the bank is.  
  
"Chip?" I plea, but I can't hear him anymore. Frantically I flail my arm out, hoping to come into contact with another rock or the bank. But I can't feel anything else. I put my arm out again, desperately searching for something to grab onto. Suddenly, something grabs my arm. I feel fingers lock around my wrist and a man's voice saying "Hold on!"  
  
The grip on my wrist is strong. Trusting my saviour I put out my other arm, letting go of the rock. The man catches my other hand and pulls me forwards. I feel ground under my feet and manage to find a foothold. The man pulls me from the river and I fall to the ground, panting. "My monkey." I manage to gasp.  
  
"Canz!" The man calls. I hear padding footsteps come towards me and the man says something to the owner of these feet. I can smell a dog. I feel Chip being placed lightly in my arms. I hold him tight and his chatters weakly at me.  
  
"Is he hurt?" I ask.  
  
"Just a little shaken up." I recognise the voice, but at the moment I can't quite place it. "I'm sorry, my dog was only trying to play with your pet."  
  
"Who are you?" I ask, not lifting my head.  
  
"Trowa." Now I remember. This boy is Catherine's younger brother. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Fine. Thank you." I say. I dare not look up. If I do he will surely guess my secret.  
  
"I heard you yell. Did you slip?" I think that Trowa is kneeling opposite me and slightly to the left. I carry on the pretence of nursing Chip in the hope that Trowa will go away.  
  
"Yes. I lost my footing and fell." I say. "And I got something in my eye, I couldn't see the bank."  
  
"Hmm." Trowa doesn't sound convinced. "Let me help you." He puts his hands on my arms and pulls me up. I keep looking down. "Are you alright? Would you like something hot to drink?"  
  
"I'm fine. I just want to find my Uncle and Aunt." I say.  
  
"You can't see them anywhere?" He asks.  
  
"No." I say, truthfully.  
  
"You can't see anything?" He asks. I can tell by the sound of his voice that this isn't really a question. It's a statement. My heart sinks. I don't know what to say. He knows. "Can you?" He asks.  
  
I shake my head. "There must be something in my eyes. I'll get my Uncle to take a look." I say.  
  
"You didn't get anything in your eye." Trowa says. "You can't see."  
  
There is no point in denying it anymore. He knows. I know that he knows. Wearily I pull myself away from his grasp and sit down again.  
  
"Yes." I say quietly. "I'm blind." 


	3. How Did You Guess?

"How did you guess?" I ask finally. I wish now that I could see Trowa, if just to see his expression.  
  
"You never focus on anything." He said simply. "It didn't take a genius to work it out. And the way Paul guides you everywhere."  
  
"Are you going to tell your sister then?" I ask. I can't believe that I got found out within a few hours of arriving here. Trowa is sure to tell Catherine, and she won't want a blind person doing stunts. I may as well pack my bags and leave now.  
  
"I don't think you want me to." Trowa says simply. "My sister would be understanding you know. She would give you a fair chance."  
  
"You can't be sure of that." I say. "Being a blind acrobat is like.well what do you do?"  
  
"I'm a clown." Trowa replies.  
  
"Well, it's like having a clown who doesn't have a sense of humour.or is allergic to custard pies!" I say. "Most acrobats rely on sight to tell them what to do. I'm at a huge disadvantage being blind."  
  
"I understand." Trowa says quietly. I truly wish that I could see him. I don't know if he is being sincere. For all I know he could have his fingers crossed in front of my eyes.  
  
"Sienne!" I hear Uncle Paul calling me. He's running towards us. I feel Trowa back off slightly as Paul approaches. "What on Earth happened?" Paul asks, taking in my wet clothes.  
  
"I fell." I say simply. "I just slipped. Trowa helped me."  
  
"Are you alright?" Paul is kneeling beside me, holding me tightly.  
  
"I'm fine." I say, resting my head on his shoulder.  
  
I can feel Paul flinch as my face turns skywards. He doesn't know that Trowa knows about me. I can almost hear his mind going into overdrive, trying to think of some excuse for my 'temporary' loss of sight.  
  
"You have something in your eye." He says stiltedly.  
  
"He knows." I say.  
  
Paul turns to Trowa. I don't know what Paul is thinking. I can't read him as well as I normally can. "You know?" He asks.  
  
"I guessed." Trowa says simply. "From the way she was acting in the water."  
  
"I see." Paul turns back to me as Polly joins us. She takes Chip from my arms and wraps a blanket around me.  
  
"Lets get you back to the van." She says. Paul pulls me up and begins guiding me away. He feels different though. He isn't so soft and understanding anymore. I can sense his anger and anticipation.  
  
"I won't tell." Trowa says simply as I walk past. Standing next to Trowa for the first time I'm able to gather a lot about him. He is tall and solemn sounding. I wouldn't have guessed that he is a clown. I can feel him looking down at me and I realise that it was him who has been watching me all day.  
  
"Thank you." I say as Paul guides me past. I climb gratefully into the warm caravan and Paul leaves while Polly helps me to get changed out of my wet clothes.  
  
"Why don't you wear your pink skirt, you look lovely in that." Polly says.  
  
"It doesn't matter." I say, stroking Chip gently. He is still shaking after his encounter with Canz. I slip into the dry clothes that Polly hands me. I can tell be her movements that there is something bothering her.  
  
"I didn't do anything wrong." I say tersely.  
  
"I didn't say that you did." She replies.  
  
"Then why are you angry?" I ask. "I don't have to be able to see to tell that your aren't smiling."  
  
"Why did you tell him?" Polly asks.  
  
"I didn't, he guessed." I say.  
  
Polly sighs. "You didn't have to admit it though."  
  
I can feel myself getting angry. "What was a meant to do?" I ask hotly. "He saw me flailing around blindly in the water. I couldn't see which way to swim. I couldn't see Chips. I couldn't see you. I tried to say that I had something in my eye but already had his suspicions."  
  
"I'm sorry." Polly says, but I can tell that she isn't. Or rather, she isn't entirely.  
  
"Why do you care if he knows?" I ask, but as I ask the question I already know. "You're scared that he will tell his sister and she won't let us be part of the circus. You're just afraid of losing your job!" I shout.  
  
"No." Polly says, but I can tell from her tone of voice that I have hit the nail on the head.  
  
"I don't believe this." I say. "He saved my life. I could have drowned and you are worried about your jobs!" I stand up, accidentally dislodging Chip from my shoulder. He squeaks in indignation but leaps back onto my shoulder.  
  
"I'm glad that he saved you." Polly says.  
  
"Leave me alone." I say angrily. Polly doesn't move. "Leave me!" I shout, picking up my wet top from the bed and throwing it in her direction. I hear a slap as it hits her. She sighs and leaves. I throw myself onto the bed and stifle a scream of anger. I can't believe I just lost my temper with Polly. She is the nicest person I know and has brought me up like a daughter when we are not even related. I'm instantly sorry but I'm also scared to go out and find her. If I fall over everyone will realise that I am blind.  
  
It dawns on me that the fact that Trowa guessed my secret will make me more conscious of how I disguise my disability. I reach over to where Chips is cowering, upset by my mood swing. I pull him over and bury my face in his fur. He chatters at me soothingly and licks my face. I don't move from my bed that day. Not even when the smell of food is so enticing that it makes me dizzy. I don't want to be around the circus people, I'm too scared that they will guess my secret.  
  
Eventually I fall asleep. I'm vaguely aware of Paul coming in and covering my still form with a warm blanket. I snuggle down, determined to apologise to Polly in the morning. Now and then I hear snatches of laughter coming from the nearby campfire. I hear a bit of music and singing, then more screams of laughter. I half wish that I was out there, but then I realise that the other half of me wants to remain alone, away from the staring eyes of suspicious people. 


	4. Practise Makes Perfect

I awake to the smell of bacon sizzling on the large campfire. Paul and Polly are already moving around in the van. I get up slowly, dislodging Chip from on top of my head.  
  
"Morning." Paul says brightly. "Breakfast then trapeze rehearsal." I hear him leave the caravan, as always, while Polly picks out my rehearsal clothes and I get dressed.  
  
As she passes me my leotard I say, "Sorry." I feel her pause for a moment. "I didn't mean what I said."  
  
"I know." She says, patting me on the shoulder. "I learnt long ago that you have your father's temper. I didn't take our.disagreement to heart."  
  
I smile and get dresses. Polly helps me down the stairs and into the fresh air. I feel Chip land on my shoulder and wrap his long tail tightly around my neck. I keep my head bowed as Polly guides me to a seat in the ring around the campfire. I can sense that there aren't many people close to me, so I relax slightly. "I'll get us some breakfast." Polly says, walking away towards where the cook must be serving breakfast. I lean back and stroke Chip's fur thoughtfully. I am nervous about our first practise on the new trapeze. I know that it will take me a while to get used to a different trapeze, but I'm worried that someone will notice my blindness.  
  
I stiffen as Chip starts to chatter agitatedly and grab hold of my hair. I feel a shadow fall over me. "Who is there?" I ask quietly when the shadow does not move.  
  
"It's Trowa." I hear Trowa say from behind. "I've brought you some breakfast."  
  
"Thank you, but my Aunt is getting me some." I say. I feel Trowa sit next to me and Chip jumps onto my other shoulder so he has a better view of Trowa.  
  
"She told me to the bring this to you." Trowa says. "She and Paul have gone with my sister to check the trapeze is how they want it. Your aunt asked me to make sure that you eat this and then take you over to the circus tent." He says quietly. "Here." He takes my hand to put a plate in it, but I instantly feel Chip alight from my shoulder and the next second I hear Trowa let out a cry. "Get off!"  
  
"Chip!" I scold, guessing that Chip must have attacked Trowa as punishment for Trowa touching me. Chip often protects me territorially. I think that he sees Trowa as a threat because Trowa's dog attacked him. I feel Chip jumped onto my shoulder. I pick him up and scold him. "You mustn't do that!" I refuse to let him sit on my shoulder as punishment, and he sulks on the ground. "I'm sorry, did he bite you?" I ask Trowa.  
  
"No, he just jumped on my arm." I detect a slight chuckle in Trowa's voice. "He is better than a guard dog."  
  
"He's quite possessive." I agree. "He protects me from harm. He thinks you want to hurt me and I don't think he agreed with you touching my hand."  
  
"Here." Trowa says, holding out the plate. I put my hand out and Trowa places the plate in my hand. "There's three rashes of bacon and a piece of bread on that plate. I'll put your tea by your left foot." He whispers, so I know what is in front of me. Hungrily I munch on the bacon. I missed dinner last night and I'm ravenous. Even the butterflies in my stomach that have hatched as a result of my nerves about the trapeze seem to be hungry!  
  
I finish breakfast and drain my cup, aware that Trowa is still next to me. When I've finished I stand up and Chip grabs onto my leg. I put my hand down and he puts his little paw in it as if to say sorry. I nod at him and he scampers up my arm and takes his place on my shoulder. I feel Trowa stand next to me and Chip gives a little throaty growl.  
  
"Chip!" I say warningly. The little monkey stops growling, but I feel his claws dig into my shoulder, ready to spring at Trowa.  
  
"I'm not going to touch her." Trowa says to Chip. But Chip isn't satisfied with this answer. "Walk forwards." Trowa whispers. "I'll feed you directions if you need them. I do as I am told. I'm nervous of this. I completely trust Uncle Paul to guide me, but I barely know Trowa. But I have to trust that he will lead me in the right direction.  
  
I hear a noise behind me and instinctively stop. "It's only Canz." Trowa says. I could have guessed this. Chip is chattering restlessly on my shoulder. I bend down and reach out to the dog near my feet. I feel the soft coat as I stroke the beautiful dog. He feels so silky and licks my hand kindly. Then he glues himself to my right hand side as I begin to walk. Trowa is standing on my left and whispers, "I think that Canz knows you need help."  
  
"I don't need help." I retort. "I can do this on my own."  
  
"Really?" Trowa asks.  
  
"I'm not an invalid you know." I whisper angrily at Trowa. "I don't need your charity. If you are only here because it's your good deed for the day then I suggest you leave." I hate being treated as charity. So many people make the mistake of doing things for me. I don't need them to do everything; I just need guidance in doing things myself.  
  
"I didn't mean to." Trowa begins. I can really hear the sorrow in his voice and I realise that I'm letting my temper get the better of me again.  
  
"Sorry." I say. "I do need your help. I just don't want to be your cause."  
  
"I'm sorry." Trowa says. An awkward hush falls between us, broken only by Chip squawking at Canz.  
  
"So, what does your dog look like?" I ask, trying to change the subject.  
  
"He's a cross breed." Trowa explains. "A collie cross something-or-other. He's only two years old and he adopted me really. He's black and white and has the most beautiful eyes, just like yours." Trowa gushes. He is obviously proud of his dog.  
  
"Are you comparing me to some mongrel dog?" I ask jokingly. But as I say it I can hear Trowa stiffen and know that his comment was meant as a compliment.  
  
"I was just saying that you both have lovely brown eyes." He says. "I didn't mean it as an insult. We are here." We walk inside the cool circus tent and instantly my heart lurches. The tent certainly feels a lot bigger than the one I'm used to.  
  
"Sienne!" Paul rushes over and Trowa and Canz instantly relinquish their positions at my side.  
  
"Thank you." I say to Trowa as Paul guides me to the centre of the arena, whispering as he goes.  
  
"OK, this one is twice the height of the one back at the other circus, at least!" He whispers. My stomach churns as I try to imagine this. "They have a safety net underneath, which is good. The distances between the two trapeze lines in a lot bigger too. You'll have to rely on Polly and I to tell you when to grab and release."  
  
We draw level with Catherine and Polly. Polly feels tense and I can tell that she is worried about me attempting this.  
  
"Well, good luck!" Catherine says brightly. "I'll be watching from the stands."  
  
She walks away and I hear her move into the stands and greet Trowa, who has apparently stayed to watch. I wish that they wouldn't. If I fall I don't want them to see. I move Chip off of my shoulder and place him on the floor. Obediently he scampers off. I expect he'll find some ledge to sit on and watch.  
  
Paul leaves me to go and climb one of the podiums that lead to the platform. Polly leads me over to the other ladder and tells me to begin to climb. Luckily the rungs on the ladder are regular so once I get into a rhythm I can guess where the next rung will be. "Five more to go." Polly whispers from beneath and I find myself standing on the podium. This is a lot higher than I am used to. Polly reaches out and takes hold on the trapeze bar. She guides my hands to it.  
  
I take the bar in my hands. It is metal and I'm used to wood. It's also not as long as the last one was. I take a firm hold of the bar and Polly puts her arm around my waist to hold me in position. "Paul is going to swing out." She says. "We'll do the simple exchange. You let him grab your ankles and then let go of the bar. Then I will come out and take your hands on the next swing. After that I'll drop you onto the platform and go out to Paul. He will catch me and we'll both land on the other side. Then if you want, swing out and do a single somersault before catching the other bar and swinging back to us."  
  
I nod, this is our standard opening display and we always perform it faultlessly because it is so simple. I tighten my grip on the bar. I hear Paul shout, "Go!" And Polly releases her grip on me. I swing through the air with the wind rushing in my ears. I am a lot higher than I am used to, and the swing is taking longer. As I feel Paul grab my ankles I release the bar. We swing back towards Paul's podium and he squeezes my leg to say 'Well done.'  
  
I'm finding it hard to get used to the bigger trapeze. I feel like we are swinging for far too long. As we return to the centre I hold out my hands helplessly for Polly to grab. I feel her grab me just as Paul lets go. I feel like I'm dropping but Polly has her hands in mine. But her grip isn't very good. My hands are slipping and our podium is too far away. Just as I'm about to slip I feel my feet touch the podium. I jump onto it and turn around. I extend my hand in readiness to receive Polly's bar after she has left it. I'm aware of her swinging back and Paul catching her. The bar hits my hand and I grab hold of it.  
  
I wait for a moment until I'm sure that Paul and Polly are safely across and ready to send out the second trapeze to me. I lift my feet from the platform and swing out. 'Wait. Wait. This gap is bigger.' I warn myself. I feel like I'm delaying for too longer and instinct takes over. I release my hold on the bar and somersault in mid air. But the gasp from Polly and Paul tells me that I have released to soon. Frantically I flail my arms out, hoping to catch the bar, but it isn't there.  
  
I'm falling. The air whistles past my ears. My stomach lurches violently and my heart leaps into my throat. I let out a scream but it is whipped away by the wind. I feel like I'm falling forever. Just as I give up hope of ever hitting the ground I feel a tough rope underneath me, and another. I've landed on the safety net and I'm still falling. I'm slowing. I'm stopping. Now I'm moving upwards again. I fly a few feet into the air before falling again. And bouncing. On the third contact with the net I grab hold of one of the ropes and hold onto it. My body jerks as the constant bouncing stops. I collapse onto the tough net, shaking and trembling. I hear Polly scream and Paul shout out to me.  
  
I lie on the net, unable to move for fear. I don't know where I am on the net. I could be in the middle or at the edge. If I move for the edge that is furthest away from me then Catherine will surely suspect something. I feel movement on the net and know that someone is coming towards me. I'm quivering violently and can feel tears streaming down my face. The person approaching comes up next to me and taps my shoulder. I think that it is Trowa, but I can't be sure.  
  
"Who is there?" I gasp.  
  
"It's Trowa." Trowa whispers. He doesn't ask if I am all right. He doesn't pat my shoulder or stroke my head. Instead I feel him kneel beside me. He pulls my limp body towards him and I find myself resting on his lap. He holds me close and says. "It's OK. You'll be fine. We are in the centre of the net and you are facing the entrance to the tent. Turn to your right to get off the net."  
  
Then he lets go and helps me up. I realise that he has just done what Uncle Paul would do, and explain what is happening so that I can appear to have sight. He just helped me without doing things for me. Most people would have pulled me up and maybe carried me across, but Trowa explained the situation calmly and then let me do things for myself.  
  
I wipe tears from my face as Trowa guides me gently to the edge of the net. He supports me so my feet won't go through the holes in the netting. When we reach the edge Uncle Paul runs over and grabs me by the waist. He hugs me tightly and I feel Polly come over and hug me too.  
  
"Are you alright?" Catherine asks.  
  
"She'll be fine." Polly says. "She's just shaken up. She isn't used to such big equipment. She has only ever worked with one size trapeze."  
  
Catherine doesn't sounds convinced. "I thought you said she was an expert with real talent."  
  
"She is." Paul says angrily. "But you are asking her to work with totally different sized tools. She just has to get used to it and she will be fine."  
  
"You got used to it pretty quickly and you have only been on one piece of equipment." Catherine points out. I can't blame her for being suspicious. I would be it I were her.  
  
"I'm sorry." I say, bowing my head to give the appearance that I am looking down. "I panicked and released too early."  
  
Catherine seems satisfied for now. "Go and get something to drink then have another practise after lunch." She says. "Take a break and get cleaned up. I'll let you practise in peace today, but if I don't see an improvement tomorrow we will have to rethink this whole idea."  
  
She walks away and, shaking, I collapse to the floor in relief. "I'm sorry." Trowa says from above me. "I'll try to make her see that this was only a freak accident. But she's really uptight at the moment because three of our clowns are ill. They ate some old custard pies and have food poisoning."  
  
Trowa walks away and I sense Polly and Paul look at each other. I can only imagine how their faces must look. They'll be worried. MY blindness could cost them their jobs if I don't get this right today. 


	5. I Believe In You

"Argh." I hammer the safety net with my fists in frustration. By now I'm not afraid of falling anymore. In fact I'm getting used to it. But I can't get used to this new equipment. Either I estimate the gap to be bigger, or smaller than it really is. This is the fifth time that I have fallen today.  
  
"You'll get it soon Sienne." Polly says, helping me back up the ladder. "You just have to relax."  
  
"I'm trying." I say, taking hold of the bar and taking a deep breath. I swing out and start counting in my head. Five, four, three, two, one.I let go of the bar, somersault and reach out to grab the second bar. My fingers brush the cold metal but slip. I don't even scream as I plummet to the ground. But when the net catches me I cry out in frustration again. "I can't do it!" I cry.  
  
I can actually feel tears streaming down my face now. I'm so irritated. I know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm just in the wrong frame of mind now. I can't focus anymore. I make my way to the edge of the net on my own and instantly feel Chip sit on my shoulder. He seems confused at my tears because I feel him wipe at my damp face with his paw and then lick my salty tears.  
  
"You can do it." Paul says from high above me. "Just one more try."  
  
"I can't!" I shout. "I'll never do it. I may as well give in now. I was so stupid to think that I could ever make it as an acrobat when I'm blind."  
  
I stalk out of the tent before Paul or Polly can stop me. I know the way back to my caravan and I'm glad that no one tries to stop me as I walk across the field. Chip is whispering softly in my ear but I ignore him. I climb into the van and collapse on my bed. I let my tears flow again, soaking the pillow. Chip sits by my head, occasionally tapping my head inquisitively. But I ignore him. When I hear Polly come into the van I ignore her and pretend to be asleep.  
  
Eventually I do fall asleep. I wake up to find that Polly and Paul are breathing peacefully near me. From the chirruping of the crickets and the silence of the campsite I can tell that it is nighttime. Night and day have no difference to me. Night is as dark as day, and day is as light as night to me. I get up and walk down the steps, out of my caravan. Chip doesn't wake up. I miss his presence on my shoulder but I don't want to disturb him from his sleep.  
  
I find my way cautiously to a seat near the fire. Its warmth washes over me and I sit and contemplate my future. I can't prove to Catherine that I can be an acrobat, and without me Polly and Paul can't perform either. It will be my fault that I lose them their jobs. Maybe I can plead with Catherine to let them keep their jobs and I will just hang around the campsite. I could help to clean out the animal cages and be a washerwoman..  
  
At that moment I realise that I am not alone. I can hear someone nearby. Fro their deep, steady breathing I can tell that they are asleep. I strain my ears, trying to detect where they are. I don't need to though, because at that moment the person begins to speak.  
  
"We have to protect the Sanc Kingdom!"  
  
I recognise the voice as Trowa's, but what is he doing near the fire? Shouldn't he be in bed? And whom is he talking to?  
  
"Quatre, don't be so foolish! Heero, if you pull this lever the arm will become lighter. The OZ forces have arrived!"  
  
"Trowa?" I ask, moving towards where I can hear his voice. He is definitely alone and talking in his sleep. I can sense him now. I kneel down near him. I put my hands out and find his arm. He's asleep and leaning against a tree. "Trowa?" I whisper again.  
  
"No!" He shouts, sitting up a bit then falling back down calmly. "Heero, you have to realise the truth about what you feel for Relena. The Gundam pilots must not die yet. We must not die!"  
  
I've heard enough. Whatever Trowa is saying, I doubt that he will want me to be listening. I take a deep breath and shake him by the shoulder. "Trowa." I say loudly. "Wake up."  
  
He groans but he isn't shouting anymore. I give his shoulder one final shake and say "Trowa!" He wakes up. I can feel his breathing returning to normal. I sit back and listen intently.  
  
"What?" He murmurs. "Sienne? What are you doing here? What happened?"  
  
"You were dreaming." I say. "I heard you murmur something.indistinctly." I lie, not wanting Trowa to know that I was listening to him.  
  
"But what are you doing up?" I can tell that Trowa is awake now. He shifts position and I think he is sitting up and looking at me. "It's the middle of the night and you should be in bed."  
  
I refrain from retorting 'So should you!' Instead I gloss over this. "I couldn't sleep." I admit.  
  
"Nerves?" Trowa asked.  
  
"I'm worried. I can't do the trapeze." I say sadly. "I can't do it."  
  
I feel Trowa stand up next to me. I remain sitting. I'm so absorbed in my own thoughts that I don't notice him put his hand down to me. "Come on." He says, tapping my shoulder. He takes my hand and gently helps me up. He doesn't let go of my hand either. Instead he begins to lead me forwards slowly.  
  
"Where are we going?" I ask.  
  
"The circus tent." He replies. He must feel me flinch because he stops and says. "You have to trust me."  
  
Hasn't he ever realised that when you tell someone that they have to trust you then they immediately begin to doubt you? Obviously not, because he is still leading me on, despite my protests. "Why?" I ask eventually.  
  
"Because I know that you can do it if you try." Trowa replies.  
  
I feel anger swell inside me. "Do you think that I haven't been trying?" I ask hotly. "I have been trying all day but all I have succeeded in doing is becoming better acquainted with the safety net.  
  
I feel my voice change as we enter the tent. It feels so vast and empty and my feet just freeze on the spot. "Come and sit down." Trowa says. Leading me to one of the seats in the stands and making me sit down. "Now, lets think back a bit. To the day when I came and saw you perform at the other circus. You were fine on that trapeze."  
  
"Because I knew that I could do it." I say.  
  
"So this is just a confidence thing." Trowa says triumphantly.  
  
"No, it's more than that." I hear myself saying. "It goes far deeper than confidence. I don't understand what is going wrong. Paul and Polly are telling me exactly when to release but I'm still not doing it."  
  
"Can I ask a question?" Trowa says, but continues before I can say anything. "It fascinates me how anyone who is blind could even attempt a trapeze act. How did you first learn to do it?"  
  
"I started as an acrobat before I lost my sight." I say glumly.  
  
"And when you did, you carried on as an acrobat. Do you remember how you did that?"  
  
I don't understand. I don't want to have my past dug up and laid before me. Grudgingly I silence any reply.  
  
"Because it strikes me as strange that someone who overcame the fact that they now couldn't see what they were doing still managed to carry on." Trowa says. I bristle with indignation. He is so rude! "For example, how can you tell when someone comes up behind you?"  
  
"I can hear them." I say.  
  
"But then with some people you know who they are before they even speak." He continues. "Like with your Aunt and Uncle. You seem to sense who is there before they even speak."  
  
"I can't explain it." I say angrily. "How can I explain all this to someone who doesn't even know what I'm going through? You have no idea what it is like for me."  
  
I feel Trowa back off slightly. "I'm not trying to berate you." He says. "Don't you see what I'm getting at? You learned to survive without sight because you relied on your other sense. It seems to me that after you lost your sight you would have had a difficult time getting used to being an acrobat without sight."  
  
"So?" I ask hotly.  
  
"So, you must have got through that by using your other sense. When you got used to your trapeze and knew what to do off by heart you switched into autopilot. Your senses that you used to help you to still be an acrobat became dormant. In my opinion all you have to do is reawaken them."  
  
I vaguely understand what he is saying. Suddenly I remember the first time I tried to be a blind acrobat. A sensation in my mind that told me everything. It was so long forgotten I could barely describe it. But it was like a sixth sense that told me things that I missed because I was blind. I used this 'impulse' to help me to become an acrobat again. But I hadn't used it for so long that I had forgotten how, which was probably why I couldn't do anything on the trapeze today. I have let myself switch off and do everything automatically or let others do it for me.  
  
"You understand." Trowa says. I nod and stand up.  
  
"I'm going to have another try." I say.  
  
Trying to reawaken my sixth sense I refuse help to climb the ladder or find the trapeze bar. I hear Trowa on the other podium. "Ready?" He asks. He is going to send the other bar out to me when I jump. I nod and hold my breath. I'm trying to listen out to hear things that I haven't heard for nearly ten years. I'm attempting to feel something that I haven't felt for a decade. I'm trying to taste and smell something that I have long forgotten.  
  
I jump. I feel the wind whistle past me but I resist the urge to let go. I'm searching for something within me. It's surfacing. I can feel it growing inside me. Too late. I'm swinging back and I've missed my chance. But now I feel something different. I can feel Trowa's disappointment even though he hasn't said anything. I can sense the podium clearly. Suddenly I feel as if I have finally come into my body. I'm aware of my feet now planted firmly on the podium. Of my hands wrapped around the bar. It's as if I can 'see' again.  
  
"Once more." I call to Trowa. Except my voice sounds different. I jump and the wind rushes through my ears, but the sound that I hear is whispering to me. I can see the bar coming towards from the other side. I can see it in my mind. I release the bar and somersault in mid air, aware for the first time of how great the distance between the ground and me is. I feel my stomach turn as I do. Even before I touch the other bar I can feel it's cold metal surface on my hands. As my fingers wrap around it I can already sense the ever-diminishing gap between myself and the other podium. I know exactly where Trowa is standing, even though he hasn't said a word.  
  
I land next to him and feel his arm support me even before he has touched me. It's like I'm sensing everything around me for the first time. I exhale slowly and can actually taste the air rushing out of my lungs. It's as if I have awakened my dormant senses and I have returned to how I was just after the accident, when my sense were working overtime to compensate for my blindness.  
  
"You did it!" I hear Trowa say next to me. I let go of the bar and put my hand out to where I know there is a pole.  
  
"This is amazing." I whisper. I feel like I have been possessed by something. I put both hands on the pole and swing around it. I feel my stomach surge as my feet fly over the immense space between the ground and me. I can even tell that the ground below me isn't netted. I land again on the platform and make to swing around again, but Trowa catches my arm.  
  
"Stop it!" He says, and I can sense panic in his voice.  
  
"Did I scare you?" I ask playfully. I wasn't expecting his answer.  
  
"Yes." I stop laughing. I can't think of a reply. I climb down the ladder and feel solid ground beneath my feet. Trowa alights next to me and we silently walk out of the tent. I don't need him to guide me this time. I can feel when something is in my path. I think Trowa has noticed this too. When we reach the fire we stop. "Thank you." I say, looking towards where I hope Trowa is standing.  
  
"It was all you." He says. "I only started everything."  
  
I can feel him walking away. I want so badly to ask him what he was dreaming about. I long to ask him to tell me about his dreams. I need him to confide in me now. But I just let him go. I climb into my caravan and slip into bed without anyone noticing that I even left. 


	6. The Big Night

Less than a week later I'm sitting in our caravan. I can hear the audience milling around in the field, laughing and shouting. Polly walks over to me and begins to apply stage make-up on my face.  
  
"How are you feeling?" She asks, applying some wet paint to my eyes.  
  
"Nervous." I reply.  
  
"You'll be fine." Polly confirms, even though her hand is shaking as she applies more eyeliner. "You've been OK in every rehearsal so far since that one bad day."  
  
I smile at the memories. I can perform on the trapeze now. Ever since that night when Trowa helped me I haven't fallen once. I proved Catherine wrong and made Polly and Paul proud.  
  
"You know you never told me how you suddenly got better." Polly says, blotting my lipstick gently.  
  
"No, I didn't." I reply, but I leave it at that. Polly sighs but stands away, satisfied with her work. I'm sitting in my acrobatics costume with my stage make-up applied. Chip is sitting on my knee stroking the soft lycra material. I pick him up and put him on my bed. "Stay here Chip." I say. He lets out a sigh but I know that he understands me.  
  
I hear footsteps outside the caravan. I can tell it is one of the younger clowns. Ever since that night when I mastered the trapeze I've been able to sense things more clearly. I've even started to recognise the footsteps of different people. I turn to the door and smile, knowing that our guest is in the doorway.  
  
"Miss Catherine asked me to tell you that the show starts in five minutes." The boy says. He runs off before I can say anything. Polly and Paul are waiting outside. I climb down the three steps without their help and refuse to take Paul's arm as we walk towards the big tent. I can hear the audience settled inside and my heart gives a jolt.  
  
We enter the small tent where the other performers are assembled. Catherine comes over to us and I can tell that she is both excited and nervous by the way she can't keep still.  
  
"You look great." She says. Then walks off to deal with some other performers. Paul finds me a seat and I sit down gladly. I tuck my knees under my chin and wrap my arms around my legs. I've never been so nervous about a performance in my life.  
  
As the acts start the tent begins to empty until it's just us. Paul and Polly are talking quietly, going through the routine in their minds.  
  
"You're up!" Says one of the runners sent by Catherine. Paul squeezes my shoulder as we stand at the entrance to the tent.  
  
"And now ladies and gentleman, in their premier at this circus I present our new acrobats!" I hear Catherine call. "Please put your hands together for.The Flying Fireballs!"  
  
There is a roar of applause as Paul, Polly and I enter the tent. We do our usual entrance, back flips and cart wheels. Then we stand in the centre of the tent and wave. Some of the applause turns to wolf-whistles before dying. We separate and climb up to our platforms. I find the bar and Polly puts her arm across me to support me. I hear the music start and wait for the beat. When I hear it I lift my feet and am flying through the air. Paul catches my ankles as we reach the centre and I release the bar. We swing back to the podium but don't stop. We swing back and Paul lets my ankles go. I somersault in mid air before Polly catches my hands, with her legs hooked over the bar. We swing to the podium and I jump onto it. Polly swings back and Paul catches her. Now I swing across, and I don't even falter. We carry on our performance for a few more minutes, then finish.  
  
We take a bow as the tent fills with applause. Then we jump off of the podium, turning over in the air as we crash lightly into the net. We scramble off just as the music starts for the finale. All of the acts come back on stage. We rush around the tent as coloured streamers fly down from the ceiling. The clowns are getting quiet a few laughs tonight. I return to the centre of the tent and find that I'm standing next to some one. Just as I realise who it is I find that I am unable to speak, due to the fact that my mouth has been filled with custard pie. My face is covered in it too. It seems that one of the clowns had a spare custard pie after their act.  
  
As the finale finished we take our bows and leave the tent. I head straight for our van and find a cloth to wipe the sticky mess off of my face. Chip takes great delight in licking the remains off my face. The sticky cream has dripped onto my costume too. Sighing I close the door to the van and pull off my dirty clothes. I manage to find some clothes on my own and slip into them, hoping that they look OK but not really caring.  
  
I can hear the audience now having fun on the amusements. I quickly find a face clothes and wipe my face, hopefully removing all traces off my make- up. Just as I pick up Chip and let him sit on my shoulder I hear a knock at the door. "Who is there?" I ask.  
  
A familiar voice replies, "Me."  
  
"Hello 'Me'." I joke opening the door and knowing that Trowa is standing in front of me. Instantly I sense that he is not alone. "Who is with you?" I ask nervously.  
  
"Jake, what do you have to say for yourself?" Trowa asks. I guess that the person with Trowa is one of the younger clowns called Jake.  
  
"I'm very sorry for throwing that pie in your face Miss." The boy says. "I was very bad."  
  
"So that was you?" I say, not at all surprises.  
  
"Yes." The boy says. I sense Trowa elbow him in the ribs. "I'm sorry Miss, it won't happen again."  
  
"Just see to it that it won't." Trowa says. "Now go and get that clown face off."  
  
I hear the boy scamper away. I smile and say, "It's alright you know, I can take a joke."  
  
"I didn't find it funny." Trowa says. I climb down the steps and close the van door behind me. Chip seems excited by all the music and bright lights. He hops from one shoulder to the other and doesn't even bother to shout monkey obscenities at Canz, who is sitting at Trowa's feet. "Are you coming to the fair?"  
  
I nod. I'm interested to find out what attraction this circus has. Polly told me they have some fairground rides as well as the big tent. Trowa walks next to me as we make our way towards where the music is loudest. "You were very good tonight." He says.  
  
"Thank you." I smile. "How did your act go?" Trowa told me that he is the head clown.  
  
"Very well. It was a responsive crowd tonight." Trowa says. We have entered the bustle fairground. The sudden noise and volume of people overwhelms me. I think that Chip feels the same because he leaps off my shoulder.  
  
"Chip!" I call.  
  
"He's heading back to your van." Trowa says. I'm still apprehensive of such a large crowd. My ears are throbbing with the loud music and all the people passing me are making me disorientated. "Are you alright?" Trowa asks from somewhere near me.  
  
I can't speak. I turn around, desperate to find him and get pushed aside by some passers-by. I stumble backwards and get knocked forwards by some more people. I'm amongst a huge crowd now, all moving in different directions.  
  
"Sienne!" I hear Trowa call from nearby. We've been separated in the crowd.  
  
"Trowa?" I call desperately. I huge man knocks me flying from behind and I find myself kneeling on the ground, trying to avoid being trampled. "Trowa!" I call again. Suddenly I feel someone swoop down on me.  
  
"I'm here." He says in my ear. I breathe a sigh of relief as he pulls me roughly to me feet and pushes me through the crowd. He forces me to sit down once we are out of the way and I collapse on the ground, shaking with fear. That had to be one of the scariest moments of my life, apart from when he had saved me in the river.  
  
I can't begin to express how terrified I was. I couldn't sense a way out of the bustling crowd and I began to panic. I know I shouldn't have done but for a few moments I lost control. I had been isolated and very scared.  
  
"Are you alright?" Trowa asks. He's sitting next to me and I notice that he has his arm around me.  
  
"Fine." I say to brusquely, shaking his arm off. I need space right now.  
  
"Are you sure?" He asks.  
  
"Will you stop laying into me?" I ask, my voice sounding much higher than normal. "I'm fine, OK? I just lost it a bit. I didn't need your help!" I felt my cheeks flushing.  
  
"You need a drink." Trowa says.  
  
"Don't tell me what I need." I snap. "I can make my own decisions you know. I may be blind but I'm not incapable."  
  
"Blind?" I hear a voice say behind me. I stiffen. I immediately recognise the voice as Catherine's. I can't believe that I didn't hear her approach or sense her presence. Trowa seems to have been taken by surprise too. He jumps to his feet. "You're blind?" Catherine repeats.  
  
I have no choice. I pull myself to my feet and turn to face her. I raise my head towards her and hear her gasp as she takes in my unseeing eyes. I nod glumly.  
  
"But how?" Catherine seems as a loss for words. "You're an acrobat.the trapeze.if you can't see."  
  
I can't take this much longer. I stand there clenching my hands. The way she is saying it. Everyone is turning to listen. I hear people shush each other to listen.  
  
"Blind?" I hear them whisper. "That acrobat girl is blind?"  
  
I fight back tears. I don't want everyone to know. I don't need anyone's charity. They'll treat me like an invalid. As if to confirm my thoughts someone nearby says, "Isn't that dangerous, having a blind acrobat?"  
  
I can't stand it anymore. I turn and run. The crowd separates as I pass them. Some people speak to me; or rather most speak to each other about me.  
  
"A blind acrobat, how strange!"  
  
"They are a drain on the economy, these blind people. They demand compensation and money from our system."  
  
"I know of a doctor who can cure blindness."  
  
"Problems like that often run in the family. I told you circus folk had bad blood."  
  
I rush past them all and find someone is my way. "Girl! I'm a scientist and I would love to run some tests on you!"  
  
"I'm not a guinea pig!" I try to shout. I push him away and run for my caravan. Polly and Paul are inside, celebrating our successful evening. I can't interrupt them. I turn away, and can hear people following me. I feel my way forwards. I don't want them to catch me. I find a small caravan and crawl underneath. I hear feet run past me but no one shouts, "Found her!"  
  
I put my head on the ground and let my tears flow. Dirt and mud stick to my damp face as my breathing becomes more regular. I drift into a light sleep still lying underneath the van. 


	7. Heero and Relena

I awake about two hours later. The circus is now a quiet safe haven again, but my heart still thumps in my chest at the thought of those people bearing down on me. I'm about to crawl out from my hiding place when I hear voices that make me stop.  
  
"I didn't expect to see you here Heero." I recognise the voice as Trowa's, but he sounds different. I don't mean to listen but I have no choice.  
  
"Times have changed Trowa. We are now free to do as we wish." The man called Heero replies.  
  
"So I see." Trowa replies. Are these friends of Trowa's? I can definitely hear more than two sets of footsteps heading this way.  
  
"And how are you Miss Relena?" Trowa asks.  
  
"I am well Trowa." I hear a woman reply. "I have to say that when Heero offered to take me to the circus I had no idea that we would run into you."  
  
"This is more than a coincidence Relena." Heero replies. "Trowa, did you hear that Quatre is in the city?"  
  
"Quatre?" Trowa asks. There's a tone to his voice that makes me think that Trowa definitely knows Quatre well, and probably misses him or her. "All we need is for Wufei and Duo to show up and it will truly be a reunion."  
  
"Don't knock it Trowa." I hear Heero reply darkly. "The chances of two of us meeting are slim. I think it would almost be impossible that the five of us could meet under normal circumstances."  
  
"Do you think that you are in danger Heero?" Relena asks.  
  
"There are still people around who believe that the Gundam Pilots should have been executed three years ago." Heero says. "We had, and have, many enemies Trowa. You should be careful."  
  
"I will." Trowa says. "But you still haven't explained why you have come so far away from home. And to a circus."  
  
"In times of crisis there are often things to celebrate." Relena says. I hear Trowa take in a sharp breath.  
  
"Congratulations." Trowa says. "When will you make it official?"  
  
"The engagement or the wedding?" Relena asks.  
  
"The wedding. I'd like to be there Heero. I'm sure that the others would too." Trowa says.  
  
"It's too dangerous for us all to reunite." Heero is saying. "We could all be killed in one swoop. However we do not intend to marry for at least another two years, we have pressing business to attend to."  
  
"I understand." Trowa says. They are standing right beside the van. I decide to make a move. I crawl out the other side of the van and scramble behind the nearest tree. I brush myself off as much as possible, wiping dirt and mud from my face and clothes. When I'm satisfied that I look presentable I decide to move. Hopefully if I walk across to the campfire as naturally as possible and then make my way back to my van no one will notice me.  
  
I step out and walk towards where the fire is dying. I can still hear the three people near the van mumbling, but their voices are quieter and harder to detect now. I'm by the fire. I stop to warm my cold bones for a moment.  
  
"Sienne!" I hear someone call. I know that it is Trowa. He has seen me. I hope he doesn't realise that I was listening to his conversation.  
  
I turn to where his voice came from. He is walking towards me quickly. When he stops in front of me he speaks, "I've been looking for you for hours. I'm so sorry."  
  
This time anger doesn't boil up inside me. It wasn't Trowa's fault that Catherine found out that I'm blind. The fact that everyone else found out wasn't Trowa's fault either. He saved me from that crowd. "Don't be." I say. "And thank you for helping me."  
  
"Where have you been?" He asks. "We looked everywhere for you."  
  
"I.I fell asleep under a tree." I lie. I don't want Trowa to know that I was hiding under his caravan. "I'm sorry I ran off. I was just upset, but I'm better now. Did Catherine.?" I stop as I hear two pairs of feet approaching. Trowa must feel me stiffen as the strangers approach.  
  
"It's OK." He says, putting his arm gently around my back. "These are my friends. Let me introduce Heero Yuy." I put out my hand and feel a strong hand clasp mine. His grip is strong and his hands are hard, and I instantly feel that this man, though only as old as Trowa, has maturity beyond his years.  
  
"And this is Queen Relena Peacecraft." Trowa continues. I gulp as I recognise the name. I shake her soft, small hand and curtsey as best I can.  
  
"Ma'am." I say softly, and feel Relena squeeze my hand.  
  
"This is the young acrobat you saw tonight." Trowa says. "Sienne."  
  
"Is this the blind one?" Relena asks. I must have unknowingly flinched at this abrupt sentence because she continues, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I just heard a rumour going round."  
  
"I'm sorry Ma'am." I say. "It is true, I am blind."  
  
"Fascinating." I hear Heero say. "An acrobat without sight. Truly you must be the best of your profession. And so young too." I blush at his compliment. There is an awkward silence that Trowa attempts to fill.  
  
"Um, Heero and I met during the War." He says. "And Miss Relena met Heero then too. They are now engaged."  
  
"Congratulations." I say. "I'm glad that something good came out of that war." My mind is working fast. All of those names I heard Trowa shout out in his dream. Heero and Relena had been among them. What had Heero said earlier? About the execution of the Gundam Pilots, and how they are still in danger? Suddenly I put two and two together and hopefully make four. Was Trowa a Gundam Pilot? I heard about them. It would make sense if he were, the War was three years ago and Trowa must be eighteen now, and I once heard a rumour that the Gundam Pilots were only fifteen years old. I remember because I was fourteen at the time and thought how brave these people must be.  
  
"Sienne?" I'm snapped out of my dream by Trowa. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes." I say, too quickly. "I'm just very tired and emotional at the moment. Would you excuse me?" I say goodnight to Relena and Heero and walk off towards my caravan. Trowa, a Gundam Pilot? A war hero and murderer?  
  
I get to sleep quickly, but even in my dreams my mind is working overtime. The fact that Trowa fought so bravely in the War doesn't change the way I feel about him. But he murdered so many people. In his defence they wanted to kill him. And he helped to bring peace, didn't he? In the end I conclude that as I shouldn't know about Trowa, and I'm not even sure that I am right that he is a Gundam Pilot, I won't act differently around him. But I shall have to ask him one day.  
  
I awake the next day to find Polly sitting on the end of my bed, holding my breakfast. I'm instantly suspicious.  
  
"What's wrong?" I ask.  
  
"Nothing." She says, too firmly for my liking. I'm not even hungry so I put my plate aside and listen to Chip munch on my toast.  
  
"Really?" I ask.  
  
"I thought you might want breakfast in bed. You came in quite late last night." Polly says.  
  
"I know." I say. "And your other reason is?"  
  
Polly sighs. "Everyone has found out about your disability Sienne. The camp was buzzing with the news this morning. I just didn't think you would want to sit at breakfast and have people staring at you."  
  
I bury my head in my hands as the evening's events come flooding back to me. "Catherine.?" I ask.  
  
"Would like to see you now in the caravan." Paul says, walking into the van.  
  
My heart leaps into my throat. I knew that this would have happened sooner or later, but I had banked on it being later. "OK." I sigh. "I should get this over with."  
  
Polly helps me to find some clothes and get me cleaned up. Paul is all for taking me to Catherine's caravan, but I know where it is. I also want to do this on my own, to prove to everyone that I'm not an invalid.  
  
I leave with Chip hanging around my neck like a strange necklace. As I walk past the campfire I can hear people whispering and feel them staring at me. I hold my head up high and walk over to Catherine's van. I find the door and knock.  
  
"Come in." She says. I open the door and let myself in. "Ah, Sienne. Sit down, we need to have a little chat." 


	8. Catherine

I sit down, trembling slightly. Is she going to fire me? Maybe I can persuade her to keep Paul and Polly and just let me go. Or I could become something else. A knife throwers assistant would be best; it's better if they can't see what is coming at them isn't it?  
  
"Sienne." Catherine says solemnly. "Why didn't you tell me about your.condition?"  
  
"I don't know." I say softly. "Because I thought you wouldn't give me a chance. If you could just let me explain."  
  
"Oh Trowa explained everything." Catherine says lightly. "So did Polly and Paul. I'm not here to judge you or tell you what to do. Do you enjoy it here?"  
  
I'm slightly taken aback by this. I was expecting her to say 'I'm sorry but you are a liability to us.' "Um, yes I love it." I say hesitantly.  
  
"Do you enjoy being an acrobat?"  
  
"Yes." I say firmly. "I love it."  
  
"Then that is settled. You are happy. I am happy. I think you can go now." Catherine says.  
  
"What?" I ask. "But I thought that you were going to fire me because I'm dangerous."  
  
"Are you?" Catherine asks meekly. "I didn't see that."  
  
"I can't see." I say. "Aren't I a burden?"  
  
"I don't think so. What does it matter if you can't see the trapeze? You proved last night that that doesn't matter. Sienne," she says gently. "An acrobat without sight is just like having a clown without a sense of humour."  
  
"What?" I ask.  
  
"A clown doesn't have to be funny themselves." Catherine explains. "He or she just needs to be able to learn the routine or act and convince the audience that they are funny. You are just the same. As long as you are entertaining the crowd and not putting yourself in danger I see no reason why you can't continue working here."  
  
I can't think of anything to say. I wasn't expecting that. Catherine leans forward and speaks to me softly. "If I'm to be honest, you are the best acrobat I have met in the circuses before. With a bit more practise you could be the best. You show a lot of promise. I want to see improvement in you Sienne." She says firmly. "If there is no improvement I may have to rethink my decision. I can't have your talents going to waste. Now run along and get some breakfast. I think everyone is going down to the river today to relax."  
  
I thank Catherine breathlessly and walk down into the camp. Instead of going back to my caravan I walk straight over to the campfire. By walking around the edge of the ring of people I find Polly and Paul. "Well?" They ask as I sit down.  
  
"She says I can stay!" I say happily. Polly hugs me and I think that Paul is happy too.  
  
I can feel everyone staring at me, but for once I don't care. I sit and talk to Polly and Paul for a while, eating some breakfast that they pass to me.  
  
"Um, excuse me?" Says a little voice beside me. There is a little girl standing next to me.  
  
"Yes?" I ask as gently as possible. It must have taken guts for her to come up and talk to the latest 'freak show' of the circus.  
  
"Is that your monkey?" She asks. I feel her point to Chip, who is sitting on my shoulder.  
  
"It is." I say kindly. "His name is Chip. Would you like to hold him?"  
  
I detect the girl nod, but catch herself doing it in time. "Yes please." She says.  
  
I take Chip gently in one of my hands and reach out for the girl with my other. At first I can't find her, but I feel her little hand find mine to show me where she is. I put my hand on her shoulder and then gently place Chip on her shoulder. The girl giggles as Chip sits on her shoulder obediently and chatters happily. All around the camp people are breaking into applause. I realise that everyone was watching us and that when they saw how normal I am they began to clap. I smile and hear the girl laughing.  
  
"He's lovely." She says. "I'm Marie."  
  
"My name is Sienne." I say.  
  
"So are you really blind?" She asks. I hear some people gasp at her outright question, but I don't mind.  
  
"Yes I am." I say. "I can't see things."  
  
"So how do you know where I am?" The girl asks.  
  
"Because I can hear you. Sometimes I can sense where you are too." I say.  
  
"Oh." She says, and I feel her stroke Chip. "So what can you see?"  
  
"Marie!" I hear her father come up. "Don't be so rude, give back her monkey!"  
  
"It's alright." I say, letting Chip jump back on my shoulder. I indicate for Marie to sit next to me and I talk to her. "In front of my eyes I see blackness. But sometimes images flash into my mind and I can picture them as clear as day. Sometimes bright colours flash in front of my eyes and other times I don't see anything."  
  
"It sounds pretty." Marie says.  
  
"Sometimes it is." I say. "And sometimes it is very scary. How old are you Marie?"  
  
"Five." She says.  
  
"Well, when I was five I could see just like you can." I say. "But then I had an accident and I lost my sight. I used to be afraid of the dark, and when I woke up after my accident and found out that I would be in the dark forever I was very frightened. But I got used to it. And Chip looks after me too."  
  
"You're very brave." Marie says. "My Mummy said that it is a shame that you can't see, because she thinks you are very pretty."  
  
I blush. "I think your Mummy is a very nice lady." I say.  
  
"So do I." Marie replies, drawing laughter from some of the people around us. "Do you ever wish that you could see?"  
  
"All the time." I reply sadly. "But it won't happen. Now, I think your Daddy here would like you to go back over to your family." I say as her Dad coughs audibly. "Will you say goodbye to Chip?"  
  
She pats Chip on the head then hesitates before giving me a hug too. "You're a nice lady." She says. "Will you come and play with me one day?"  
  
"As long as we don't play 'I spy'." I say. Marie walks off with her father and I smile. I enjoyed her company. Hearing me talk with one of the children seems to have settled the nerves of the other circus people too, because I don't hear them whispering about me anymore. In fact, when a group of them get up and come over to me, they actually stop and talk to me.  
  
"Hi." Says one boy, a bit younger than me by the sounds of it. "We were all going down to the river to swim today. Would you like to come with us?"  
  
"I will." I promise. "But I'll come down a bit later. I want to have a cup of tea first."  
  
"OK." Says another girl. "See you later!"  
  
They all run off laughing and I sigh happily. A shadow falls over me and I don't have to ask whom it is. "Morning Trowa." I say brightly.  
  
"Oh." He seems shocked that I know who he is without asking. "I heard you wanted some tea." He places a mug of steaming tea in my hands. I thank him and sip it. He sits next to me as Paul and Polly get up.  
  
"We're going to go down to the river too Sienne." Polly says. "Come down and join us."  
  
"Don't be long." Paul says as they walk off.  
  
Trowa and I sit in silence for a while whilst I finish my tea. "Do you want to go down to the river?" He asks as I drain the last drops.  
  
"I suppose." I say. I don't want to admit that I'm terrified of water. I don't have to go in after all. I can let my feet and legs dangle in but sit on a rock and talk to people. We get up and I leave Chip in my caravan, he hates water.  
  
"So how are you?" He asks tentatively. I realise that he is being cautious not to make me loose my temper.  
  
"Fine." I say brightly. "Much better actually. You never told me that your sister would be so understanding."  
  
"I wanted you to prove yourself first." He says in return. "Besides, I knew you could do it."  
  
"Thank you." I say. "For everything. I don't know what happened to me last night. I just got disorientated in that crowd."  
  
"I'm sorry, I should have known that that was a bad idea. Big crowds like that, of course they would confuse you."  
  
"Yes." I say tersely, but controlling my brewing annoyance that he takes my safety upon himself. I keep saying that I can take care of myself but no one listens to me. "Well, you weren't to know."  
  
I can hear that we have reached the river. People are splashing about in it. I walked barefooted forwards, being extremely careful. I feel water on my toes and jump slightly. I edge forwards and find that I'm on a shallow area where the water doesn't flow too fast. I wade in up to my knees and decide that this is as deep as I go.  
  
I hear Trowa dive in a little further away from me. I can hear little Marie laughing nearby and a boy, Jake I think, rushes past me, obviously playing water tag.  
  
I wade around in the shallows and laugh as someone accidentally splashes me. I feel safe in the shallow water. I won't go out any deeper. I discovered long ago that swimming and blindness don't mix for me. I don't like the way the water obscures my hearing, one of the senses that I heavily rely on.  
  
I bend over to feel around for any smooth stones. Chip always loves collecting them. I often find piles of them hoarded in my pillowcase or one of Paul's socks. As I find a nice round one and begin to straighten up someone slips behind me. They ran into the water too fast as slipped on the smooth stones. I hear them yell as they fall, but as I turn around their legs hit mine, knocking them from under me. 


	9. Sink Or Swim

I gasp as I fall. My whole body submerges under the water and I put my hands down. Finding the bottom I push myself up and my head clears the water. I gasp and cough up some water. Slowly I lever myself onto my knees, but I'm already disorientated. I can't tell exactly where the bank is. My breathing becomes shallower as I start to panic. The rocks are slippery too and my knees slide on them. I'm kneeling on all four and trying to shake the water out of my ears so I can hear.  
  
I feel someone take my hand and help me up gently. I know that it is Trowa and I grab his arm tightly as he leads me onto the bank. Not many people even noticed my fall by the sound of it, they all continue laughing and playing.  
  
"Come on." Trowa says gently to me. I let him lead my downstream slightly, away from where the noisy children are playing. "What happened?" He asks as I calm down and finally let go of his arm.  
  
"I slipped." I say. "I panicked."  
  
"Why?" He asks. "The water was barely knee deep. You wouldn't have drowned."  
  
"It's not that." I hear myself saying. "The water scares me. I can't hear properly with water in my ears. I get all mixed-up and I fret because I can't tell where I am. I always used to be a bit scared of water too. I fell in a lake when I was three and all I remember is this pain across my chest as I went under. I nearly drowned."  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that." Trowa says. "But you know, the water here is safe."  
  
"I just can't get out of thinking that I'm in danger." I say.  
  
"Maybe I can help." Trowa says. I realise that we have walked downstream and I can't hear the laughter of the children anymore. "Come on."  
  
He leads me forward until the rushing of the river seems to cease. But I can still smell the water nearby. "Where are we?" I ask.  
  
"We are standing by a pool of water." Trowa explains. "The river flows into this pool and then runs out slowly. It's a perfect place for you to learn to like the water."  
  
"What?" I gasp. "But Trowa.I can't. I'll drown."  
  
"No you won't." He says. "Because I will help you all the way." He lets go of my hand and I hear him take off his wet shirt and throw it one the ground. The sun is beating down on us. I begin to worry. Trowa isn't near to me any more and I feel alone.  
  
"Trowa?" I ask. I hear him dive in nearby. I turn to go but he calls me back.  
  
"Come on, the water is lovely." He says. "It starts off shallow, but it is deep in the middle."  
  
"I don't want to." I say stubbornly.  
  
"Yes you do." He entices me. "It's such a hot day. Feel the water cool your body." He splashes me and I yell in shock. The water is cooling but I'm still scared. "Walk towards me." He says. "Look, I promise that I won't let you down. I've saved you before, do you trust me?"  
  
"Yes." I say. "But I'm scared." I admit.  
  
"Don't be." Says Trowa, now closer to me. "I'm standing waist deep in water. Come here."  
  
I take a deep breath and walk forwards. My foot sinks ankle deep into water and I jump back. "One more step." Trowa says. I put both feet in the water and begin to slowly walk forwards. I'm thigh deep and I start to panic slightly.  
  
"Where are you?" I ask, holding my hands out. I feel him grasp my hands in his and instantly my heart stops beating so fiercely. I feel safer with him close by. He pulls me closer towards him until he puts his hands on my waist.  
  
"Now, I've got you." He says calmingly. "Walk towards me." I walk forward, and get the impression that he is walking backwards. The water has passed my waist and it up to my chest. Now my shoulders. I start to tread water as Trowa supports me. He is taller than I am, so I suspect that his shoulders are still above the water whilst his feet are on the bottom.  
  
"I'm doing it!" I say.  
  
"You are!" Trowa cries in encouragement. He loosens his grip on my waist but I manage to keep my head above the water. He takes away his hands and instantly I sink under the water. My nightmare is being relived again. I struggle to reach the surface. Suddenly I feel Trowa's strong arms around me, pulling me to the surface. I gasp for air as my head breaks the surface.  
  
Trowa is standing next to me. I put my arms around his neck and hold him close in relief. He keeps his arms around me and for a few seconds we stay locked together while I get my breath back. His skin is so warm and soft. Eventually he moves me into the shallower water and I put my feet back on the bottom. I let go of him and say thank you again.  
  
"I think maybe you should learn to swim in the shallower water first." He says.  
  
For what must have been two hours Trowa teaches me to swim in shallow water. He walks along beside me with his hands supporting me as I swim. Once I've got the principle of this he just walks next to me and doesn't support me physically, but mentally by talking to me. Then we go into deeper water and the whole business starts again. Then I realise that I'm swimming! I'm swimming and I'm not scared. I know which direction I'm heading in. I can tell where the bank is. I stop and start treading water.  
  
"You did it!" Trowa says, appearing next to me. Even he is out of his depth. I can't talk because I'm concentrating so much. "Race you to the bank!" He says.  
  
I start swimming in the direction I know the bank is. My swimming is jagged and not flowing, as Trowa's seems to be, but I'm doing it. I reach the bank a second before he does, although I have the suspicion that he let me win. I haul myself onto the soft ground, panting for breath. Trowa collapses next to me and for a second we don't speak. The sun is warm on our backs. After w while Trowa sits up and looks at me.  
  
"You did it." He says fondly.  
  
I sit up too. "Thanks to you." I say. I'm about to say something else but I stop and lower my head.  
  
"What?" Trowa asks, anticipating that I want to ask him something.  
  
"Trowa." I say. I'm almost embarrassed by this, but I have to say it. I need to do it. "I was just wondering. You know what I look like because you can see me, but I can't see you. Can I..?" I can't bring myself to finish the question. But Trowa knows what I mean. I feel him take my hand in his and guide it up to his face. He takes the other one and does the same. My hands are resting on his cheeks and he removes his hands.  
  
Slowly I move my hands over his face. In my mind I'm beginning to form a picture of what he looks like. My hand runs down his smooth jaw line, taking in every detail. Every tiny impression is noted and helps to form a picture in my mind. Trowa closes his eyes as my finger explore near them. I work my hands up to his soft, wet hair and over the sides of his head, before returning to his face. My hands come to a rest as I view my picture of him in my mind.  
  
"You're so handsome." I whisper, without realising it. I blush and remove my hands quickly, not believing that I just said that in front of him.  
  
"Not really." He says modestly, but I can't shake away the picture of him in my mind. I shake my head to correct him.  
  
"Can I return the favour?" He asks, but he doesn't wait for a reply. His hand is already on my face. I close my eyes as his warm fingers move down my cheek. He puts his fingers in my wet hair and uses the other hand to wipe some water from my cheek.  
  
He is leaning closer now. I can sense him moving towards me. Leaning forwards. His breath makes my skin tingle. I keep my eyes closed even though it makes no difference to me whether they are opened or shut. Then Trowa's lips make contact with mine. Instantly my head begins to spin. My face feels warm and I feel like I'm about to float into the air. I put my hand in Trowa's wet hair and hold him closer. I don't want this to end. If only I could stay this way forever.  
  
"Trowa!" I hear someone call. Trowa moves away a little and our lips break contact, but his cheek is against mine now. I sigh. "Trowa?" Someone calls again.  
  
"Later." Trowa promises. He pulls away from me and stands up. I instantly feel alone and isolated.  
  
"Trowa!" The voice calls again. I hear Trowa gasp as if he recognises the voice.  
  
"Quatre?" He calls back. This Quatre must have come into sight because Trowa shouts, "Quatre!" He runs off and leaves me alone. Slowly I get up, wanting to savour the moment when he kissed me. I can hear people running towards each other, then slowing until no one is moving anymore. I have a feeling that Trowa is hugging the person who interrupted us, but I can't be sure. I find Trowa's discarded shirt and pick it up, holding it close to me.  
  
I can hear them walking towards me, talking excitedly. "I can't believe you are back." Trowa is saying.  
  
"You've changed so much." Quatre replies. "It's been so long though."  
  
Waiting to be introduced I feel like a loner. I have no idea who this Quatre is, but I can tell that Trowa knows him well and likes him even better. What if they are both Gundam Pilots? They obviously will have a history and details of their lives to share. Whilst I am pushed into the background after I just realised how I feel for Trowa. 


	10. Quatre

I stand awkwardly on the bank, not knowing whether I should walk up and introduce myself or stay back. In the end I stay where I am. I can hear Quatre and Trowa greeting each other with jubilation. Now they are walking back this way.  
  
"It's been too long Trowa." Quatre says.  
  
"It has." Trowa agrees. They reach where I am standing. "This is Sienne."  
  
"Hi." Quatre says pleasantly, shaking my hand. Damn it, I had at least hoped he would be horrible so I have a reason to hate him. But if he is a really nice person then I won't have an excuse to despise him.  
  
"Hello." I say curtly. I feel Quatre hesitate and suppress a giggle. I can guess how this must look to Quatre. Me, holding Trowa's shirt and pretty wet from head to toe and Trowa with his chest bared and also soaked in water. I'm quite willing to leave Quatre, it seems that Trowa isn't though.  
  
"It's not what you think." He says quickly.  
  
'Yes it is!' I think desperately. 'Or rather, it was until you came along!'  
  
"I was just teaching Sienne to swim." Trowa says.  
  
"Oh I see." Quatre is laughing now. Sullenly I hand Trowa his shirt and attempt to wring out my skirt.  
  
"We should get back for lunch." Trowa says. "You are staying I take it?" He asks Quatre.  
  
"If you will let me." Quatre replies. We begin to walk home. In Trowa's defence, he does stay resolutely by my side, helping me to skirt around any obstacles, but he doesn't say one word to me on the journey back. "So Trowa, you couldn't keep away from the circus."  
  
"No." Trowa laughs. "What are you doing now anyway?"  
  
"This and that." Quatre replies. "I'm here visiting one of my sisters. She's expecting."  
  
"Give her my congratulations." Trowa says. "When is it due?"  
  
"Next week sometime." Quatre says. "I'm kind of nervous. I haven't seen her for ages. I haven't even met her boyfriend."  
  
"The father?" Trowa asks. "They aren't married?"  
  
"Not yet." Quatre says. "Don't tell me you hold that old-fashioned view that you have to be married to have children Trowa?"  
  
"No I don't." Trowa says as we near the campfire. "I was just wondering if her boyfriend was the father. These days you can never tell who girls are going out with. They may be married but have their husband's brother's child or something like that. Women are getting more promiscuous by the day. No offence meant towards your sister."  
  
"None taken." Quatre says. So that is what I am, promiscuous. I suppose Trowa will be expecting me to have a fling with another circus guy and then come back to him. It's a shame for him that this 'woman' breaks his mould. I wouldn't lead such a worthless and shallow life even if you paid me.  
  
This makes me wonder what Trowa thinks of me now, especially after what happened at the riverbank. Does he think that I go around doing that all the time? Because I don't, Trowa was my first kiss and it meant something to me. From the way Trowa is acting it meant very little to him. But I guess I wasn't his first. He has probably had lots of girlfriends.  
  
I go straight to my caravan and fetch Chip. He is a bit sulky that I left him on his own for so long, but we reconcile when he finds that my blouse is still damp. He sucks the moisture from my top as I walk back to the fire. I sit down at the first available seat and let the warm sun and fire dry my clothes. Some kind person places a bowl of soup in front of me and I eat it slowly, listening out for a voice that I recognise.  
  
I hope that Trowa will come and find me during lunch, but as I finish eating I realise that he is probably too busy talking to Quatre to notice that I am missing. I hold on by the fire for as long as possible, wishing that Trowa were with me. I feel quite lonely sitting here. After while I sense that I am the only person left at the fire. I sigh and stand up. Obviously I must play second fiddle to Quatre.  
  
I decide to take a walk in the woods, as I don't fancy going swimming. Chip remains on my shoulder. I walk away from the sounds of the children, still splashing in the water. Polly told me where the nearby woods are and I manage to find them easily. I walk aimlessly for about half an hour, maybe more, thinking bitterly about how I had Trowa and then lost him.  
  
"So Wufei is in the city too?" I hear someone ask from nearby. That voice belongs to Trowa. I hesitate. I've already heard too many of his private conversations. But one more couldn't hurt. I find the nearest tree and slowly sink down to the ground, hoping that Trowa can't see me.  
  
"On some kind of corporate business." Quatre is saying. "We share the same hotel."  
  
"This isn't good new Quatre. I met Heero and Relena yesterday, they are in the city as well." Trowa says thoughtfully. "This can't be good. All it takes it for Duo to be lured here and we are an easy target."  
  
"Do you really think someone wants to kill us?" Quatre asks.  
  
"There are some people who don't like us. We were responsible for many deaths during the war. I would think that some people would love to kill the Gundam Pilots as revenge for their families."  
  
So I was right. Trowa was a Gundam Pilot, and by the sounds of it so was Quatre. I shrink lower to the ground and put my hand up to make Chip be quiet.  
  
"We are just going to have to be very careful." Trowa is saying. "My circus leaves town in four or five days time. Hopefully nothing will go wrong."  
  
"But Trowa, we haven't seen each other for ages!" Quatre whines. "We have to do some catching up. I never met anyone like you." My heart lurches. Quatre isn't saying what I think he is saying, is he?  
  
"I know Quatre, and you opened up a whole new perspective for me." Trowa says. I really hope that my gut instinct is wrong. Trowa and Quatre?  
  
"I miss you Trowa." Quatre is saying. "I miss the way we used to talk and the way we used to.anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I still have feelings for you."  
  
My heart skips a beat. Trowa is gay? Then what was he doing with me? Or was I just a bit on the side that made Trowa realise that he prefers Quatre. Whatever his reasons, at that moment I feel so angry and annoyed that I can't stop myself. I jump up and for a few moments I can't control my anger.  
  
"Gay?" I say. I hear Trowa and Quatre jump as I interrupt them. "You two." I can't even finish my sentence.  
  
"Were you listening to us?" Trowa asks incredulously. "How much did you hear?"  
  
"Enough." I say. "So you were just stringing me along? Or was today just an accident?"  
  
"You two are together?" Quatre asks. "Why didn't you tell me Trowa?"  
  
"We're not together." Trowa says. "It's complicated. Sienne, please just tell me what you heard."  
  
But I can't stand to listen to them for a moment longer. "Don't worry Trowa." I say angrily. "I'll keep your secrets. Both of them. Goodbye."  
  
I rush off, leaving Quatre and Trowa alone. That's how Trowa wants it isn't it? That's how he always wanted it. He loves Quatre and I was just a bit of fun. I should have known. My friend Amelia at the last circus always said never to trust men. Admittedly she was gay too, but that isn't the point right now! 


	11. Can't think of a title for this one!

I eat dinner in my caravan, ignoring Trowa hammering on the door, wanting to talk to me. I can't stay in here forever, the circus show starts in five minutes, but I don't want to face him. In the end I get up and open the door.  
  
"Sienne, please just listen to me!" He says, running to keep up with me as I stride towards the tent.  
  
"Why should I?" I ask. "You lied to me!"  
  
"No I didn't!" He replies. "Anyway, you were the one listening in on my private conversations!"  
  
"So that makes it OK?" I ask.  
  
"No!" He says hurriedly. "I didn't mean that. But Sienne please, just promise me you won't tell anyone about what you heard. I don't want them to know about my past."  
  
"Fine." I say angrily. "If you leave me alone!"  
  
"Do you promise?" He asks.  
  
"I promise." I say. I can't believe I'm giving in to him. Please just leave me alone Trowa; I don't want to talk to you now.  
  
"Sienne, you got the wrong idea about what you heard!" He persists. "Quatre and I."  
  
"I think I got the picture." I say. "You don't need to give me the details."  
  
I choose to ignore whatever else he has to say. I sense that people are looking at us but I don't care. I find Polly and Paul and start talking to them. They seem surprised that Trowa keeps trying to talk to me and I ignore him, but thankfully they don't say anything. Trowa is called out to perform and I'm left with my uncle and aunt.  
  
"Now what was all that about?" Paul asks crossly.  
  
"Nothing." I reply sullenly.  
  
"It didn't sound like nothing. Remember that Trowa's sister Catherine has been very kind to you." Paul berates me.  
  
"So I'm meant to forgive Trowa for hurting my feelings because I like his sister?" I ask.  
  
"Have you and Trowa had a little argument?" Polly asks. God she's quick off the mark! I think everyone else noticed that too!  
  
"You have no idea." I say, and then we are called into the ring so Polly and Paul stop asking questions.  
  
We perform well, but I know that as soon as the show is over Trowa will be on my back again. I know in my heart that I should listen to what he has to say, but I don't want to hear something that I don't want to be confirmed. I'm so confused. When we finish the finale I feel someone standing next to me.  
  
"What now?" I ask, knowing that it is Trowa who stands so close to me. He reaches out and takes hold of my arm. My heart gives a flutter when he touches me, but I instantly wrench my arm out of his grasp.  
  
"Please let me explain." He pleads. He stays walking close to me as we leave the tent. When we are outside he takes me by the arms and forces me to stand still. I can tell that he is looking at me, but I keep my head down. For a moment I really want to listen to him.  
  
"Go on then." I sigh. I feel Trowa sigh with relief and squeeze my arms.  
  
"Sienne!" Catherine calls from nearby. Surprised at out interruption Trowa jumps back as if I suddenly became to hold to hold anymore. The moment has passed and now I don't want to hear Trowa's excuses. "Sienne, this is Doctor Dalzell." Catherine says. "He came and spoke to me just now. He guessed that you are blind."  
  
I hold out my hand, curious as to how this man knew I was blind.  
  
"Charmed." He says. "Miss Sienne, I am a Doctor from the city, and I specialise with restoring partially damaged or removed sight."  
  
"Oh." I manage to say.  
  
"I noticed that you have a sight problem, tell me, are you completely blind?"  
  
I nod.  
  
"Because I would like to run a few tests on you." The Doctor says. I shake my head; I have always reused to be a lab guinea pig. "Because recent advances in medical science mean that it is easier for us to restore sight, even to patients who have been completely blind for over a decade."  
  
My heart gives a leap. "You mean you can make me see again?" I ask, not even daring to hope that he can.  
  
"I would like you to come to my surgery tomorrow and I will definitely have a look." He says warmly. "I would very much hope that a simple operation will amend your sight."  
  
Just as I'm getting excited a thought strikes me. I hang my head and say, "I'm sorry but I can't afford your treatment."  
  
"Don't be silly." The Doctor says. "The government gives me money to perform these operations on deserving people. I think that you deserve this more than anyone. My office is on 32nd Street, number 12. Be there at ten o'clock tomorrow morning."  
  
He walks off leaving me struggling with my thoughts. Could I see again? Just one free operation and I could see? I could look at my reflection for the first time in twelve years! I could see how much Polly and Paul have changed. I could even see what Trowa looks like.  
  
"Then that is settled." Catherine says. "Trowa will drive you into the city tomorrow."  
  
"Can't Uncle Paul or Aunt Polly take me?" I ask.  
  
"I'm afraid I'm going to need them here tomorrow. We have a group of school children coming to look around and Paul promised to show them the basics of the trapeze and Polly has assured me that she will help with the cooking. Trowa can take you." Catherine says, not seeing my face fall. I don't want to spend all of tomorrow with Trowa; he will just try to 'explain' himself to me.  
  
"Fine." I hear myself saying. "I'll be ready for us to leave at eight o'clock." I walk away towards my caravan to share the good news with my aunt and uncle before Trowa can even say 'Goodnight'. 


	12. Will I Ever See?

When I wake up the next morning my stomach is tied in knots. Today I could be given the chance to see again. I can barely contain my excitement. Or my nerves. After about an hour of lying in bed I decide to get up and feed the hyperactive butterflies in my stomach. Even the fact that I have to spend the day with Trowa doesn't dampen my spirits.  
  
I'm not the only person sitting by the campfire. A few people are already awake. I'm handed a bowl of porridge and try in vain to gulp some of it down. Eventually I give up and go back to my caravan to get changed. Polly is up by now. She finds me some clothes, talking animatedly as she does in the hope of easing my nerves.  
  
"Here we are." She says, handing my some clothes. "I thought you should wear your smart pink shirt today. And here is your black knee length skirt, you will look very professional."  
  
As I get dressed she talks even more. I can tell that she is as nervous as I am. "There." She says, as she finishes sorting my hair into some kind of order. "You look lovely." Chip jumps onto my shoulder and chatters to me. He doesn't seem to realise what an important day this could be for me.  
  
I climb out of the caravan with Polly and Paul, who are both now fully awake.  
  
"Oh good, you're here." Catherine comes up to us. "Trowa is nearly ready to leave. Before you go I need to take a photograph. Doctor Dalzell said you need a photograph with you, I don't know why."  
  
She arranges Paul, Polly, Chip and I into a photo pose, then pushes some other people into the shot. She takes a photograph and hands it to me. "Here, look after this." She says.  
  
Then I say my goodbyes and Paul helps me into the front of one of the smaller circus vans. I stiffen as Trowa gets up into the cab and turns on the engine.  
  
"Thank you for taking me." I say, as we pull out onto the main road.  
  
"No problem." Trowa replies. "Quatre called around yesterday to say that his sister had just phoned him and had gone into labour, so I'm going to visit them."  
  
"Oh." I say. Too late Trowa realises that the last thing I want to hear is that he is using this trip to visit Quatre. Before he can apologise I interrupt him. "So where are you going?"  
  
"Hospital on 32nd street." Trowa says. "It's just next door to Doctor Dalzell's office, so I'll be nearby."  
  
We are silent for the rest of the journey and let the radio do the talking. After a while Trowa stops the van. "We're here." He says.  
  
My heart leaps. Trowa gets out and opens the door for me. I climb down and take a deep breath. This whole experience is like a nightmare to me. I'm in a strange place, filled with people. It is busy and loud and frightening. I falter as a car beeping its horn startles me. Trowa seems to understand my fear, because he puts his hand on my arm and gently guides me forwards. We don't talk, and for once I wish that Trowa would tell me the truth, but I don't think that he will now.  
  
We enter a building and instantly the noise of the city is blocked out. Soft music is playing in the background as we walk. We climb some stairs until we stop outside a door.  
  
"This is Doctor Dalzell's office." Trowa says to me. He lets go of my arm and I suddenly feel very lonely and vulnerable. I had not realised how much I depended on Trowa for comfort. Instinctively I grab his hand as he turns to leave. I think he is shocked by my sudden action.  
  
"I'm scared." I whisper, tears threatening to prick my eyes.  
  
Trowa squeezes my hand. "Don't be." He says. "Remember that this is just a consultation, you won't be having an operation or anything today."  
  
"But it's so final." I say. "If he tells me that I'm permanently blind then that is it. There will be no more hope."  
  
"There's always hope." Trowa says, taking my other hand in his. "A battle may seem pointless and never ending, but eventually there is an end. There is always hope, you just have to look for it. Quatre says."  
  
The moment has been lost. As soon as Trowa mentions Quatre I pull my hands away from him. I don't want him to take me in again.  
  
"Sienne, Quatre and I are just." Trowa begins quickly, but at the moment the door opens and Doctor Dalzell walks out.  
  
"Ah, there you are. Come along inside then Sienne and we will get started. We should be finished in about an hour or so." He says to Trowa. I don't even get time to say 'See you later' to Trowa because Doctor Dalzell whisks me into his office and sits me down. I hear Trowa walking away as he closes the door. Probably off to see Quatre next door.  
  
"So Sienne, how are you today?" The doctor asks, sitting down opposite me.  
  
"Fine, thank you doctor." I say.  
  
Doctor Dalzell laughs. "Don't be so formal. Just call me Ian. Now we need to run a few tests to determine the exact state of your blindness."  
  
For the next half an hour Ian takes numerous blood samples, tissue samples from my eye and runs a lot of tests involving lights being shone into my eyes. I sit through it all patiently, doing my best to do everything right. Finally Ian sits back and sighs.  
  
"Well, I'm happy to say that there is definitely something I can do." MY heart gives a leap as he says this.  
  
"You mean that you can make me see again?" I ask.  
  
"Yes. By inputting your test results into the computer system we can create a 'recipe', if you like, for an injection. This injection will rebuild the cells at the back of your eye, and you will be able to see again." He says.  
  
I break into a smile and tears pour down my face. "When?" I gasp. "When can I have this injection?"  
  
"Well, the actual formula will take about a month or so to create. However I am in a position to offer you something else. I have an injection that would give you sight for about five minutes, just so you can have an idea of what you will be able to see."  
  
"And you can give me this injection now?" I ask breathlessly.  
  
"Yes, but be aware that the effects will last less than five minutes and then you will return to being blind until I make up the formula."  
  
I can't contain my excitement. "Is that why you wanted me to bring a photograph?" I ask, fishing the photo taken this morning out of my pocket."  
  
"Yes, we often find that people adjust better to having sight again if they have a quick, impermanent taste of it. You will be able to see the photograph of your loved ones." Ian is rolling up the sleeve of my shirt. I wince slightly as the cold needle pierces my flesh. My arm feels numb by the time Ian removes the needle.  
  
"Just relax, you will start seeing things in a minute or so."  
  
I wait, hardly daring to breath. I hold the photograph in front of me shakily. Suddenly light penetrates the blackness. I can see a dim, greenish light. Lots of different colours swim in front of my eyes. I blink again and again. This feels so strange. Slowly things begin to come into focus. I can distinguish the table in front of me, and the floor. As my vision clears I gasp. This is amazing.  
  
"You don't have long left before your vision will fade." Ian warns me. "take a good look at that photograph before it goes."  
  
Holding my breath and trying not to let tears of joy smudge the picture in my hand I look down. I see several faces smiling at me. I see myself first. A short, slender girl with long curly black hair, big brown eyes offset by very dark skin. I look just how I remember my mother. There is Chip sitting on my shoulder. He looks so sweet! A beautiful shade of honey brown adorns his coat and his bright black eyes look to be full of mischief.  
  
Aunt Polly is standing next to me. She looks much older than I remember, but her short blonde hair is still the same. And Uncle Paul looks even more handsome. His face is rounder and he is balding slightly on his head, but he is smiling broadly.  
  
I look hard at the picture. I had no idea that Trowa was in the picture! But there he is, standing just behind me. For the first time my picture of him in my head is confirmed. He looks just as I imagined him. His light brown hair is shining in the sun and his hazel eyes are full of kindness. But he isn't looking at the camera but at me. There seems to be emotion in his eyes. I can not believe how handsome he is. As I stare at him my vision begins to cloud.  
  
I blink furiously, trying to restore my vision. But it is fading fast. I strain my eyes to keep looking at Trowa for as long as possible. As darkness once again fills my world I stoke the photograph longingly with my finger.  
  
"Well?" Ian asks.  
  
I realise that my face is soaked in tears. "That was wonderful." I whisper.  
  
I'm in a daze as Ian arranges an appointment for me to come and receive the proper injection. I'm so lost in my thoughts and emotions that when a huge explosion rocks the building I scream in terror.  
  
BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	13. The Final Battle

"What was that?" I gasp, but another explosion shakes the room and I dive to the floor. I lay there, my head covered with my hands. I can hear people screaming nearby. When the shaking stops I dare to lift my head slightly. "What.?" I begin, but another explosion rocks the room and some of the walls start to cave in. I crawl under where I saw the table and cower there.  
  
Even a few minutes after the last explosion I don't get up, just in case. After a while I hear Ian curse under his breath and I get up shakily.  
  
"Doctor Dalzell?" I ask tentatively.  
  
"I'm fine." He says from nearby, but he curses even louder. "Damn it!"  
  
"What's wrong?" I ask, jumping slightly as I hear something collapse nearby.  
  
"The computer." Ian says weakly. "All the work, the formulae.destroyed."  
  
"We have to get out of here." I say, taking his arm and pulling him up.  
  
"Sienne, you don't understand." He says, his voice full of emotion. "That last explosion made the computer crash. I've lost everything on the hard drive. Everything."  
  
"You must have a back up copy somewhere." I say soothingly. "Now we need to go before this whole place collapses."  
  
"Sienne, I don't have another copy. That was the only computer programme created by Doctor Klever before he died. He was the one who discovered your treatment. I've lost all the files and recreating the programme will take more than ten years!"  
  
The bottom falls out of my stomach. "Are you saying that.all my test results.the formula.gone?" I ask.  
  
"I'm sorry Sienne. I shouldn't have got your hopes up. But everything is gone. I won't be able to give you the treatment.I'm sorry."  
  
I sit down in shock. I had sight for five minutes. I was going to see again.and now I won't be able to. The explosion caused the computer to crash and my treatment details have been lost. I'll never see again. Not until the formula is re-discovered, which will take years because the creator died.  
  
Another explosion and a crashing noise bring me back to my senses. "Who cares?" I shout bravely. "We have to get out of here fast!"  
  
Doctor Dalzell must realise this too, because he takes my arm and drags me out of the room. We hurtle down corridors, with other people joining us, crying and screaming in fear. After what seems to be an eternity we finally reach the exit and spill out onto the busy street. I can hear news crews reporting on what is going on, so I listen for more information.  
  
"The explosions occurred in the hospital building behind me just a few moments ago.."  
  
"Buildings have been dangerously damaged and are likely to collapse."  
  
"Eye witnesses say that a group of madmen in the hospital rounded on five young men, shouting obscenities at them. These men are now being held hostage in the hospital building."  
  
"Everyone else managed to escape from the adjacent buildings and the hospital. It is unclear what these madmen want with the five men."  
  
Hang on a minute. Trowa was in that hospital! I strain my ears, trying to hear his voice among the screaming crowd. I can't hear him anywhere. I move around the crowd, asking if anyone has seen him. But no one has.  
  
"Sienne?" I recognise that voice.  
  
"Miss Relena?" I ask. Someone grabs my shoulder and I realise that it is Relena Peacecraft. "Have you seen Trowa?" I brace myself for a negative answer.  
  
"Yes. He was in the hospital. I was in there too. So was Heero." Relena says. "Sienne, I heard that you know about Trowa's past."  
  
"Yes. I overheard him talking." I say.  
  
"Then you will understand me when I say that he was right. They were all lured here. Now all five of the Gundam Pilots are in that hospital. Those madmen are victims of the war. They lost friends and family at the hands of Heero, Trowa and the others. Now they want revenge."  
  
"Trowa!" I gasp, fighting back tears. A police officer pushes us back behind some barriers. "Relena, what is happening?"  
  
Relena tells me what she can see. Apparently policemen, firemen and doctors have all rushed to the scene, but no one dares enter the building for fear the madmen will kill their hostages. Relena says that the explosions were small bombs used to scare people away, so that the madmen would have the Gundam Pilots to themselves.  
  
I feel panic sweep over me. Relena knows as little as I do. No one seems to be doing anything. And Trowa.if he dies.the last time we spoke I was angry with him. We weren't on the best of terms. I never had chance to say goodbye. If he dies now I'll never forgive myself for treating him like that. I never let him explain himself.  
  
I feel Relena take my hand and I realise that she is as worried as I am. But of course, her fiancée is in there. I'm being so selfish, thinking only about my feelings. I squeeze Relena's hand and feel tears welling up in my eyes. I sit on the pavement and Relena sits next to me. She puts her head on my shoulder and I hear her begin to cry. We put our arms round each other for comfort and keep reassuring each other, but we know that this is more serious than we make out.  
  
After about twenty minutes we are beginning to calm down. Suddenly a gunshot cracks the silence. We jump as it is followed by four more shots.  
  
"Five bullets." I say, dumbstruck.  
  
"Five Gundam Pilots." Relena whispers tearful. We both give up trying to stop tears pouring down our faces.  
  
"They might not be dead." I say. Relena agrees half-heartedly. A kind- hearted officer walks up behind us and takes us gently by the shoulders.  
  
"Move along now ladies. We are sending the paramedics in now. Everything has gone quiet and a white sheet has been flown from the window. Just move back." He says.  
  
"Are there any casualties?" Relena asks.  
  
"I'm sorry Ma'am." The officer says sadly. "We have already removed one body and four unconscious men."  
  
Our worst nightmares have come true. Someone died, and the others are hurt.  
  
"Please sir, our friends were in there." I say. "The dead person, what did they look like?"  
  
"I haven't seen." The officer says simply, walking away. Relena and I stand alone, Relena does not want to go and see the dead person and neither do I, even though I can't.  
  
"Sienne!" Relena suddenly says, breathlessly.  
  
"What?" I ask sadly. But Relena isn't at my side any more. I hear her shout out a name and run forwards.  
  
"Heero!" She cries. I can hear her being reunited with her fiancée. I'm truly happy that he is alive. I don't want to go and interrupt them to ask about Trowa. I don't know if I want my worst thoughts confirmed either. I hang my head and let my tears continue to fall.  
  
Suddenly I feel someone walk over and lift my face gently, wiping away a tear. "Don't cry. You look much prettier when you smile!"  
  
"Trowa?" I gasp. I dare not believe that he is standing in front of me.  
  
"Yes." He says. I'm instantly overcome with joy. I fling me arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder. I start to cry onto his shoulder now. God, I'm always crying these days! He seems startled by my sudden show of emotion, but not for long. He puts his arms around me and rests his head against mine.  
  
"I was so scared." I whisper, holding him tighter still.  
  
"Shush, you're OK." He says, stroking my hair fondly.  
  
"No, I was scared for you. Are you alright?"  
  
"I'll live." He says grimly. I'm immediately suspicious and I raise my head slightly. I put my hands up to his face and feel moisture on his cheek. Has he been crying? No, I realise that there is blood on his face. He takes my hands away from his face firmly, and then holds me close again. I rest my head on his chest as we share an embrace.  
  
"I'm so sorry." I say. "I thought you were dead. And I was so horrible to you, I never even said goodbye!"  
  
"It was my fault. I should have told you the truth. Quatre and I."  
  
"Shush." I say, putting a finger to his lip. "Don't make excuses now." He kisses my finger gently before speaking.  
  
"No. All the time I was up there, I was thinking that I never told you the truth. Sienne, Quatre and I are just close friends. We shared a lot of experience. Admittedly we were in a relationship once, but that ended quickly because we realised that we weren't meant to be together." Trowa sighs.  
  
"I'm so sorry." I can't help apologising. "I should have listened to you. But I just went off in a rage as usual and messed everything up. I hate myself. I can't control my temper and I just got."  
  
Trowa puts his finger to my lips now and whispers to me. "But that is what I like about you. You're fiery and have a mind of your own. You keep me on my toes." I smile. "That's better."  
  
"What happened anyway?" I ask as Relena and Heero come over and join us.  
  
"Well it's a long story, but it all started when." 


	14. Revenge

As Trowa prepares to tell me his story we feel ourselves ushered over to a quieter area in the street. A blanket is wrapped around my shoulders and I assume that we have been taken care of by the ambulance men. Trowa helps me to sit down by a wall and I feel him sit next to me. His arm rests around my shoulders and suddenly I don't feel cold or frightened anymore.  
  
Beside me Relena collapses on the ground and Heero sits on her other side. Relena and I are both awaiting an explanation.  
  
(AN - For this part I'm going to use a flashback from Trowa because otherwise the explanations etc would be boring and too wordy.)  
  
"It all started when I left you at Doctor Dalzell's office." Trowa begins.  
  
  
  
"I'm scared." Sienne whispered, tears threatening to prick her eyes.  
  
Trowa squeezed her hand. "Don't be." He said. "Remember that this is just a consultation, you won't be having an operation or anything today."  
  
"But it's so final." She said. "If he tells me that I'm permanently blind then that is it. There will be no more hope."  
  
"There's always hope." Trowa replied, taking her other hand in his. "A battle may seem pointless and never ending, but eventually there is an end. There is always hope, you just have to look for it. Quatre says."  
  
The moment had been lost. As soon as Trowa mentioned Quatre she pulled her hands away from him.  
  
"Sienne, Quatre and I are just." Trowa began quickly, but at the moment the door opened and Doctor Dalzell walked out.  
  
"Ah, there you are. Come along inside then Sienne and we will get started. We should be finished in about an hour or so." He said to Trowa.  
  
Trowa walked down the corridor sadly, not even having time to say goodbye. He could have kicked himself for being such an idiot. Why had he mentioned Quatre like that? He had almost been able to explain that he didn't love Quatre in that way. They were just friends now. It was Sienne whom he really liked.  
  
Trowa left the building and entered the one next door, the hospital. He quickly found his way to the main reception and asked where the maternity ward was. He hoped that Quatre would be there when he arrived.  
  
Peering through a door he saw Quatre sitting inside. Trowa knocked before entering the room. He walked through and was instantly granted a view of the entire room. And he was shocked by what he saw.  
  
Quatre was sitting on a chair beside his sister, who sat up in bed holding a newborn baby in her arms. But perched on the bed next to her, with his arm around her shoulders was none other than Duo! And Wufei was sitting in a corner, talking to Relena. And there was Heero, standing silently by the window.  
  
"It has happened then." Heero said solemnly as Trowa closed the door behind him.  
  
The five Gundam Pilots looked to each other in astonishment. It had been three years since the end of the wars, and they had not all been reunited like this for a long time.  
  
Stunned, Trowa found a seat and sat down in it shakily. "What are you all doing here?" He asked.  
  
"Trowa, you remember I told you that my sister was expecting?" Quatre said. "I didn't know who the father was. Well, when I showed up today I met the father."  
  
"Yours truly." Duo said, standing up and half saluting Trowa. "It's good to see you Tro."  
  
Trowa took a while to take this in. "But Wufei." He began.  
  
"I'm here on business. I'm a secret agent now. I got a phone call from someone who thought that they were being stalked, so I came here to do some surveillance."  
  
"I was the one being stalked." Duo added. "But I had no idea that my secret agent would be Wufei."  
  
"So where to Heero and I come into this?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Relena and I are here on holiday. It was a last minute idea sprung by an acquaintance of ours. He had booked a holiday and at the last minute he couldn't go, so we took his place." Heero explained. "When I found out that you were in the area too Trowa, I was worried. Then I met up with Quatre who told me why he was here and I told him that you were here."  
  
"It's all very complicated." Quatre agreed. "What I find strange is why we are all here, in this hospital."  
  
"Well, you and Duo are here because of the birth." Wufei said. "And Relena and Heero are here because Relena is bound to do hospital visits as one of her royal duties. I am here because Duo employed me to be here."  
  
"And I am here because I had to take a friend to a meeting." Trowa finished. "She is next door now."  
  
"Sienne?" Relena asked.  
  
"Yes, she had a doctor's consultation to go to." Trowa explained. "I offered to drop her off and then I thought I would come and see Quatre and his sister."  
  
"But is this just a coincidence?" Heero asked, walking over to Relena and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Because I'm a bit suspicious of this whole situation."  
  
"So you should be!" A voice came from the door. In all the talking they hadn't noticed a man dressed in black enter the room. He was accompanied by six others, and they all held guns at the people in the room.  
  
Trowa leapt to his feet. So did Quatre and Wufei. Duo moved in front of Quatre's sister and child protectively. Heero stood in front of Relena, who remained behind him looking scared.  
  
"I suggest you leave." Duo said angrily. "I did not invite you to visit my fiancée and friends."  
  
"Quiet you!" One man said, pointing a gun not at Duo, but at his child. "You wouldn't want such a happy event to be tainted now, would you?"  
  
Duo made to leap forwards, but Quatre held him back. "Who are you and what do you want?" He asked, his voice trembling with anger.  
  
"We only want to hold conference with The Gundam Pilots." One man said. "The rest of you can leave the building."  
  
"What if we don't want to?" Relena asked, more bravely than she felt.  
  
"That would be very stupid." The man said. He pulled out a little control with buttons on out of his pocket and pressed one button. Instantly a loud explosion rocked the room and screams could be heard from around them. Heero held Relena tightly and Duo put his arms around his child and fiancée.  
  
"Now I suggest that you evacuate this building." The man said. No one moved. "You!" He said, pointing to Relena. "Take that woman and her child and leave. We have no quarrel with you."  
  
Relena looked to Heero for reassurance but Heero just nodded. "Get out of here." He said to her. "And make sure the hospital is evacuated." His monotone voice cut the silence and didn't serve to comfort any of the group assembled in the hospital room.  
  
"Good idea kid." The man said. Relena quickly crossed to the bed and help Quatre's sister to stand. She helped her out of the room and cast a worried glance back at Heero before she left. "Now the rest of you, line up against the wall."  
  
They all did as they were told, but slowly. In frustration the man pressed a button on his control. A bigger explosion rocked the room.  
  
"Do as I say quickly or else!" The man shouted at them. "I have five more explosions set to go off and I will activate them if I get any resistance."  
  
"What do you think Quatre?" Trowa asked the blonde haired boy next to him.  
  
"Five more explosions would be too much for the building to take." Quatre whispered back. "But if we were to activate all the bombs at once then four or them would cancel each other out and only one would go off."  
  
"That is exactly what I was thinking." Trowa said grimly. Beside him, Heero also nodded. They all seemed to agree that something should be done sooner rather than later. "On three." Trowa muttered. "One, two."  
  
"Three!" Quatre and Heero shouted together. All three of them ran at the man holding the control box, Wufei and Duo, seeing what they were doing, also joined in. Heero managed to grapple the man to the ground and Quatre fought bravely against the other two. Heero knocked the control box out of the man's hand and it went flying across the floor.  
  
"Trowa!" Heero shouted. Trowa saw the box and dived for it. His hand pressed all the buttons at once and a huge explosion rocked the building. One man leapt at Trowa and hit him a blow across the head with the side of his gun. Trowa reeled across the floor but was not knocked unconscious by the blow. He stood up shakily to see that Heero had backed away, his eye swollen and blackening. Quatre was wiping blood from his lip. Wufei and Duo were both held in arm locks by two of the men.  
  
"Hands in the air, or these too get it!" One man shouted. The other six men nodded, pointing their guns at the boys. Heero, Quatre and Trowa raised their arms slowly and backed up against the wall. Heero peered out of the window and saw that the emergency services had already arrived and the buildings nearby had been evacuated. 'At least no one else will get hurt.' He thought, turning back to the men.  
  
Wufei and Duo were released and forced to stand with the other boys. "And now we will take our revenge." The man said, raising his gun and pointing it at Heero. "Starting with 'The Perfect Soldier.'" 


	15. Escape

The man pointed the gun directly at Heero. The other men were all pointing their guns at the other Gundam Pilots. There seemed to be no escape. The man flexed his finger on the trigger.  
  
"Wait." Heero said, more calmly than he felt. With great concentration he managed to keep his voice on a monotonous level. "Shouldn't you at least tell us who you are and why you want to kill us in cold blood?" The man shook with rage, but lowered the gun slightly.  
  
"If you wish to delay your deaths further, like the cowards you truly are, then we shall explain." He snarled. He crossed to the window and looked out at the chaotic street below. "George, phone the cops and tell them that if they try anything we will kill the five hostages."  
  
The smallest man left the room silently. Quatre weighed up the odds. There were seven men and five of them. Either side could win a fight, but statistically the other men were stronger. However the Gundam Pilots had a lot of experience in battle, especially Wufei and Heero who were very skilled at hand-to-hand combat.  
  
"I shall explain." The man said. "My name is Clive. This is my brother Garth. The others are Martin, Pete, Sam, George and Phil. We all have one thing in common."  
  
"What, y'all are totally nut cases?" Duo asked, but was silenced by three of the men pointing a gun at him. George re-entered the room, obviously having been successful in letting the police know that they wouldn't stand for any interference.  
  
"Silence!" Clive said. "We all have one thing in common. Our fathers and our families. All of our fathers were killed in the war three years ago. Pete and Martin also lost their wives and children, and Garth and I lost our sister. And all at the hands of the Gundam Pilots."  
  
"So this is all about revenge." Heero guessed.  
  
"Got it in one." Clive sneered. "You murdered our families and for that, you will die."  
  
"Don't you think this is a bit pointless?" Trowa asked quietly.  
  
"War is pointless." Clive said shortly. "We want to avenge our families. You murdered them and now we will murder you."  
  
"I guess it is kind of fitting." Heero said sarcastically. "I mean, your fathers chose to oppose us and we never had any quarrel with them. They would have killed us if we hadn't killed them first. So now we will be killed because we fought for our lives. Life finally makes sense to me now!"  
  
"Silence!" Clive bellowed. "You chose your own path, now you will pay for it dearly."  
  
"Do you think we wanted to kill those people?" Quatre asked angrily. "We never wanted to be the Gundam Pilots, but we accepted our destinies. Don't think that we never shed a tear for the people we killed!" Tears were even now pricking Quatre's eyes, but he held them back defiantly.  
  
"I don't wish to hear your pleas for mercy." Clive snarled. "Now that we have explained, we are going to kill you, one by one. And you will watch your friends die, as we watched our families die. You will now know how it feels!"  
  
Guns were raised at the four boys, but Wufei held up his hands. "Wait! In my country it is a custom for a man to give his victim one last wish. Will you grant me mine?"  
  
Clive nodded, as did a few of the other men. Wufei continued. "I wish to shake hands with each of you before I die. I have always said that I want to be killed by someone I know, rather than an unknown stranger."  
  
Duo looked shocked by this statement, but Quatre quickly poked him in the ribs and Duo nodded. "Me too!" He said. The rest of the Gundam Pilots agreed. Heero walked forwards and shook the hand of one of the men. Trowa stepped up to that man next as Heero moved to the next man. And so it went on until Heero was shaking hands with the last person, Clive, and the other boys were also shaking hands with someone. Two of the men were not engaged by the Gundam Pilots.  
  
"NOW!" Wufei shouted. He took the hand of Martin, standing in front of him, and flipped him over. Next to them Quatre punched Sam in the stomach and Duo wrestled with George. Heero hit Clive in the face as Trowa dodged an attack from Garth. The other two men sprang into action, but Heero had already wrestled the gun out of Clive's hand.  
  
"Hold it!" He shouted at one man, who had Duo in an arm lock. The man, George, let go of Duo and raised his hands. But a gunshot sounded as Sam fired his gun at Heero. The bullet hit the gun in Heero's hand, sending it spinning to the floor. Heero cursed and nursed his hand, turning to face Sam, who had a gun trained on him.  
  
Sam fired at Heero. Heero dodged and the bullet only glanced off his leg. Sam lined up the gun again and Heero was backed into a corner, with nowhere to run. A gunshot sounded. Sam dropped to the floor and Trowa was revealed standing behind him, holding a smoking gun. Heero barely had time to smile his thanks to Trowa when two more gunshots sounded. Heero turned to see Quatre holding a gun and had fired the two shots into the air. Wufei was holding two guns trained at the other men, two of whom were lying injured on the ground. The remaining men with guns dropped their weapons and held their hands in the air.  
  
"Good work guys." Duo said, handing Heero a gun, which he pointed at Clive.  
  
"It's nice to see we can still work as a team." Heero said.  
  
"We should do it more often." Trowa added, a smile playing on his face despite the seriousness of the situation.  
  
"I'll phone the police and get backup." Quatre said, backing out of the door to try to find a telephone. No one spoke until Quatre burst back into the room, with armed policemen with him. The men quickly took in the situation and the limp body of Sam was removed on a stretcher the other men went quietly.  
  
"We'll need to get a statement from two of you." A female senior officer said to the five boys.  
  
"I'll go." Duo offered.  
  
"No Duo, my sister will want you with her. I'll go." Quatre said. "Tell her that I'm alright and not to worry."  
  
"I'll go too." Wufei said. "My word is highly trusted among the security service."  
  
The officer looked to Heero and Trowa. "I don't need anyone else to come to the station, unless you really want to. This looks like an open and shut case to me."  
  
"I won't come." Heero said. "I need to find Relena."  
  
"Sienne!" Trowa exclaimed. "She was in the building next door. Officer, has everyone been evacuated?"  
  
"I don't know, but I arrived on the scene late." The officer said, leaving them.  
  
Heero and Trowa quickly picked their way through the rubble in the corridors, finding a way to get to Relena and Sienne. "If anything happened to Sienne." Trowa began.  
  
Heero stopped in the middle of the corridor. The overhead lights flickered because of the short power supply. "What is happening with you two?" He asked. "One minute you are friends, then you are not. I get the feeling that you like her more than you tell us."  
  
"I can't explain." Trowa sighed.  
  
"I'm not asking you to explain." Heero said simply. "What I'm saying is that you should try to work things out. If things had gone horribly wrong today you would never have seen her again. Would you really want your last memories of each other to be other than happy ones?" Heero didn't wait for a reply. He was surprised at himself for saying this, so instead he walked on, leaving Trowa alone with his thoughts.  
  
Trowa caught up with Heero and they walked outside in silence. "Relena?" Heero called hopefully. Then he saw her, standing facing him. She looked up and saw him and smiled with relief.  
  
"Heero!" She gasped, running over to him. She flung herself into his arms and he held her close. Trowa smiled at the happy couple before scanning the crowd. Suddenly he saw a head of hair that he recognised. He didn't call out to Sienne though. Instead he walked up to her and stood in front of her. He put his hand under her chin to lift her face, and saw that it was stained in tears.  
  
"Don't cry. You look much prettier when you smile!" He said, wiping away her tears with his hand.  
  
"Trowa!" She gasped.  
  
  
  
(AN - Obviously Trowa didn't say this exactly to Sienne when he was explaining to her what happened, this is just to make it easier for you to understand!)  
  
"I think we should all go home and get some rest." Heero says presently, when all the explanations are over. I nod numbly and allow Trowa to help me up. We say farewell to Relena and Heero and Trowa leads me back to the van. I climb in and he starts the engine. We drive off and soon are clear of the wailing sirens and throngs of people.  
  
I sit back in my seat, feeling the coarse material against my bare arms. I wipe my face, which still feels damp. I don't know what to say to Trowa, but as it turns out it is he who initiates the conversation. 


	16. Happy Ever After?

"So." He says awkwardly.  
  
"So." I mimic him, not really knowing what to say. I'm immediately extremely conscious of myself. Of how I am sitting. Of my arms and legs and the way they jolt gently every time the van bumps.  
  
"We'll be home soon." He says quietly. I nod wordlessly. I already knew that.  
  
"Are you alright?" We both ask at the same time, then laugh with embarrassment.  
  
"You first." Trowa says.  
  
"Are you alright?" I ask. "And don't lie to me. I know full well that your head is bleeding so don't try to pretend that you are unharmed."  
  
Trowa chuckles appreciatively. "I'm not bad." He says finally. "A little bashed up, but nothing that a good meal and some sleep won't cure."  
  
"And mentally?" I ask. "You haven't told me how you feel yet."  
  
"Fine." Trowa murmurs.  
  
"Fine." I reply. "I doubt that very much. I doubt that the Trowa I know would be fine about killing a man just an hour ago."  
  
"Yeah, well the Trowa in the hospital was not the Trowa you know." Trowa says. "I'm a very different person in battle. I think you would be shocked and appalled if you knew the other me."  
  
"I don't think so." I say quietly, but I speak louder. "So you don't feel guilty that you killed that guy?"  
  
"I only shot him because he would have killed Heero. Some one had to die." Trowa says grimly. "Besides, what difference does one more life make? My hands are already covered in the blood of thousands of other people."  
  
I put out my hand and rest it on his, still on the steering wheel. "One life can make a lot of difference." I say quietly. "Besides, I quite like your hands the way they are."  
  
Trowa smiles and I remove my hand to let him drive. "So anyway, are you alright?" He asks.  
  
"Fine." I say. I guess that this isn't a satisfactory answer to him though. "I mean, I'll be OK. I'm just a little shaken up. I don't know what I would have done if Relena hadn't been there with me." I sigh.  
  
"And how did it go with Doctor Dalzell?" Trowa asks. "Can he cure your blindness?"  
  
For a moment I think about telling him the truth. That for less than five minutes I saw again. That I saw his face and I know what he looks like. I think about confessing that I won't be able to get the treatment because all the data on the computer was lost. But then I remember that the data was lost in the final explosion, and Trowa had caused that explosion. I don't think I want to tell Trowa that he is the reason that I will never see again. He couldn't forgive himself, even though I have already forgiven him.  
  
"They can't do anything." I say quickly. "Irreparable damage and all that sort of thing. There may be a cure in ten years or so."  
  
"I'm sorry." Trowa says, and he sounds like he means it. I take his apology as for the fact that he caused the last explosion, rather than the fact that he is sorry that I won't be able to see. It just makes me feel better that way.  
  
"Don't worry." I say. "To be honest, in a world where there is so much evil and suffering, I think that I am fortunate not to be able to see."  
  
"Is the world really that bad?" Trowa asks, turning a sharp corner and slowing down. I guess that we are nearly home.  
  
"It could have been." I say. "Trowa, when I thought that you were dead.the last words we said to each other were said in anger.I couldn't bear knowing that we never said goodbye."  
  
"Me neither." Trowa turns off the engine but we don't get out of the van. "Sienne, please believe me when I say that I don't have feelings for Quatre. I thought that I did once, but that is in the past."  
  
"I know." I say hollowly. "I'm sorry I never let you explain. I was being stupid."  
  
"We both were." Trowa says.  
  
"Are you calling me stupid?" I ask in mock anger, getting out of the van. I hear Trowa get out too and walk around to me. "Because let me tell you this Trowa Barton. You aren't the brightest smartie in the tube either."  
  
"How so?" Trowa jokes.  
  
"For a start you are." I struggle to find a derogatory fact about him, but I can't. "Too compassionate." I finish. We are walking back towards the campsite slowly. The grass is cool on my feet so I take off my sandals and hold them in my hand.  
  
"That was pretty lame." Trowa laughs. "I thought that you would say idiotic, slow, foolish, brainless, dim-witted."  
  
"But you aren't any of those things!" I exclaim.  
  
"I am." He argues. "Because I let you slip through my fingers."  
  
The joke is over now. I stop walking and Trowa turns to face me. "No you didn't." I say softly. "You just didn't catch me at the first opportunity."  
  
"Do I get a second chance then?" Trowa asks tenderly.  
  
"You have caught me in the safety net." I say saucily. Trowa puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer.  
  
"So are you going to bounce back to me?" He asks. I could almost laugh at all the imagery we are using in this conversation. It sounds just like I'm bouncing on the safety net after falling off the trapeze.  
  
"I'm like a bad penny." I say. "I'll always come back."  
  
"I wouldn't say that you are a bad penny." Trowa says. "In fact to me, you are worth more than money can buy."  
  
"You couldn't afford me anyway!" I joke, feeling his hot breath on my skin as he pulls me closer, nuzzling into my cheek. He doesn't say anything, but his lips lightly brush mine. Then he kisses me harder and his arms stray to my hair and face, stroking my soft hair and cheek lovingly. Overcome in the moment I put my hands up to his face quickly.  
  
"OUCH!" Trowa pulls away quickly, rubbing his eye. I forgot that I had my sandals in my hand and had whacked him in the eye with them.  
  
Typical! 


	17. Authors Note

AN - Hey guys! Wow, I had no idea everyone liked this fanfic so much! Sorry to disappoint but I had planned that last chapter to be the final one!  
  
But if enough of you can persuade me I might write a sequel! I think I would have to change the point of view though, it is so difficult writing as a blind person. I could write a sequel in the third person though, what do you think?  
  
I just thought I should take time to thank all my reviewers, especially my regular reviews like Tari of Nargothrond, LSR-7, Fallen Shadow and Fever. You guys rock!  
  
OK, I should go now. Please review and give me some ideas for a sequel, I'm going to need your help if I want to write a better story next time!  
  
In the mean time, I have two other Gundam Wing stories uploaded and I would welcome some reviews for those. One is called Summer Holiday and is a lighthearted story where just about any pairing goes! The other is called Relena's struggle and is a much deeper and heavier story about oppression of women and stuff. Please read them!  
  
Thanks for all your support, and keep the ideas coming in!  
  
Lozzie 


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